I was stuck in a rut for a long time. Every day was the same. Wake up, go “oh sh*t” because I was still alive and having to live another mundane day of worthless existence. No matter how much I decided to keep pressing forward and continue on, nothing seemed to improve. What was the point? Why keep waking up every day just to continue on this path of hopelessness? I would self harm and self diagnose and self medicate as a result. All these ideas and thoughts of self improvement with almost no success, and if there were, it was always one step forward and to steps back anyway.
I was in jail for a short time, and a saying that helped me through it when I started feeling dread and trapped was the idea that every situation is temporary. It started there and helped for a while before it became a hollow sentimental thought. Then I realized my mistake this whole time. I was surviving, I was pressing forward- became a seasoned veteran in that, but I wanted to just not only carry on, but I wanted to carry on with a better life through self improvement. But how? Well, self improvement doesn’t come from simply carrying on day to day and taking in life lessons. It comes from wanting that change and more importantly, figuring out the steps and goals you need to take and reach in order to see the improvement, get out of the cycle you’re trapped in, and have a day to day goal to reach. If you can take on one task a day to better your circumstance, then the quality of my life will improve, became my new montra.
So how do I come up with these plans? I better reach out to some like minded people. And that’s when I ran into Heart Supports discord. A friend saw me struggling and refered me. Now, I was surrounded by people who understood my depression and causes better than my usual peer groups, and had a focus on helping. Perfect. So, with keeping in mind that I had to take responsibility for my actions, responsibility for my change, and that I wasn’t going to accept living the humdrum day to day bullsh*t I was facing, I did something out of my comfort zone and shared my experience and absorbed the advice given to me. I didn’t just listen and nod. I applied it. This was tough.
This is why it really is all temporary. All of us here do have it within us to change and become the person and fit into the life we crave for ourselves, but, you have to put the work in. You have to do what I often considered selfish, and put yourself first. You are the most important person in your life. You need to make sure you’re taking care of yourself first before taking care of others. Living a unhappy life will change as soon as you realize this. As soon as you’re ready to put forth the effort. And no one else will say the perfect thing for you to read or listen to for you to turn that key and start the engine- that’s going to be your choice. But I’ll tell ya what makes it easy to keep that engine running: the support of the people you surround yourself with. Which is why I see HS Discord as a majorly important place to keep my wheels spinning. They’ve been incredible advice givers and general support.
Life may suck. But it can be better, since it’s all temporary, and the change starts with you deciding it, and we’re all always here to help. I hope you all turn that key soon. You CAN be happy. It may take time, but I promise it’s never impossible.
