I live with an alclohol addict. I've never had a break

Yesterday was a downfall for me. I live with my roommate and her mom for over 10 years. Her mom who will remain anonymous drinks beer all the time. She gets black out drunk and refuses to get help. She says words that she doesn’t remember. She’ll go on a rampage on FB talking bad stuff about her family or daughter. She drinks beer till like 4am. She barley sleeps. She takes medicine. She drinks and drives. Well last night was the bottom line. I had to put my foot down. She storms in my bedroom after having a vulture aggressive fight with her daughter. Vents at me, she’s called me worthless, useless, a spoiled brat, and I allowed her to walk all over me. That was the past…But last night was a different level. I called my dad while her mom and roomate were fighting loud at 4am screaming/cursing. I don’t know what the fight was about either. It went from 0 too 300 real quick. I cried on the phone, my dad heard them. Which is what hurts the most. Once my dad picked me up he was shaking the hold drive back to his house. I told my dad and my mom (whose been sober for over 15 years) about the situation. They still text/call me to see if I’m okay. To tell the truth, I don’t know if I am. I allowed a woman who drinks and smokes cigs back talk to me when I’ve done nothing to her. I avoid her when she’s drunk. She slammed her hand on the bed and yelled at me “I’ve helped you get insurance and care for you, if it wasn’t for me you would be homeless, your parents don’t care about you.” That’s when I stood up for myself, despite my health. I knew I was having a panic attack, but don’t go talking about my parents to my face cause during the flood, we stayed at my dads place. My mom and dad are furious, saying “Your parents don’t care about you.” When they do, I have a closer relationship with my family then my roommates “dysfunctional family” who have a history of drugs and drinking. I know her mom says things and doesn’t mean it, but when my dad can hear her over the phone that set him off. My dad wanted to take me and my roomate away from her. Only I left with my dad. So my roomate could talk with her grandpa and hash things out with her mom while I wasn’t there. Her mom still never apologized to me. I know it’s only September 10th. It’s just way to many bad past memories and I think it’s all hitting me/stabbing me in the back. Half her family left the city/state cause of her drinking. My mom is a sponsor and wants to give her help and take those steps to limiting the drinking. Watch what she says. Taking steps, talking to a Rev but she refuses. I do love my roomates mom like a second mom, yes life here is a struggle. I just never felt so alone today. I woke up at 12pm and sat in a corner for an hour drinking coffee in the dark just crying. I pray everyday for my family and I’m bless to have them even though I moved out. It just hurts me seeing how my roommate and her mom’s relationship is just hell. I’ve been down that road with my roommate. I want to help her. Every time I want to leave to either go see my mom or dad to get away from her mom…she can’t live without me cause she’s scared of losing her mom of alcohol/beer with medicine. I just don’t know what to do. I suffer anxiety (genetics) but sometimes I feel like even my medicine doesn’t help the trauma I had to witness last night. I just don’t know what to do. I’ve seen psychiatrist in the pass, but they tell me the same thing “Your not the one whose drinking there sorrows away, she is and she needs help.” She gets angry, she isn’t my mom, and I know I have to stop living in the pass cause she doesn’t know the hell I went through with taking care of my mom and sister at the age 11-15 years old when my dad wasn’t around. She can assume all she wants about my mom and dad. Back talk me and my sister. At the end of the day she is in the wrong for doing what she did last night. She embarrassed herself by screaming outside, screaming at me for no reason? I just want her to keep my family out her mouth. She finds ways to vent and assume things. She takes her words and doesn’t know they hurt others. I know this post is long, but I told myself I had to talk to someone beside my boyfriend or roommate.

Once again I’m sorry for this long message. Your streams are amazing and hearing these stories and how people can relate. The community is so kind even though I had no idea about your stream till SethdrumsTV raided you.


Hey first off, I’m so sorry I didn’t see this post sooner – man, talk about a crazy situation…Sounds terrifying, to feel like life is so unpredictable – if you didn’t have a reason to be anxious sooner, this would definitely be one, ha. The paranoia of not knowing when things are going to erupt…when she’s just going to be drunk and mind her own business or when she’s going to go on a rampage…coming home has got to be full of so much fear…and so much sadness…to know that your roommate, someone you care about, is in this constant danger of being mistreated – and you too, by proximity…man, what a wreck…

I’m so sorry you’re in this position. I wish with you that this woman would find recovery – and I pray that God would convict her, grip her heart to see what she is doing – not with shame, because we are all broken – but with a fire that would spurn her to get help…because the truth is, she is not too far gone! She is not beyond healing, beyond redemption, beyond forgiveness, beyond restoration. She can be healed! She can be different. She can get better. She can be free. She can live a life of joy and peace and confidence and safety and abundance without alcohol. I pray that God would grip her and lead her down that path, because she deserves it…and so do you…and so does your roommate.

Between here and there, what can you do to find your own peace? How can you live your life during this season in a healthy way – that cares for your own heart and soul, without just clenching your teeth and bearing it? Because you don’t need to suffer needlessly. How can you live in such a way that you are taking care of your own heart? And how can you live in such a way that you can lessen your anxieties?

There is a way – there’s always a way! And I challenge you to think about caring for yourself in the midst of this season, because you can’t control her, and you can’t save your roommate, but if you are a vibrant source of life and hope, you can not only care for yourself, but you can offer hope to them through your example. I know it seems backwards to focus on yourself if you want to help them, but it’s the truth and the only way you can truly influence them (plus prayer, like you mentioned you’re already doing).

So what does it look like for LAUREN to take care of herself well during this crazy season and in this crazy situation?

Seems to me you need to get out of this toxic situation and find a better place for you to be, but I also know how difficult that can be, as people are not likely to let you for all sorts of reasons. First of all you need to get yourself safe, only then you can help someone else. And no matter how much someone has paid things for you, it is no reason to accept abuse. And in trying to escape it is pretty easy to step from a bad situation into another bad situation, out of the frying pan into the fire sort of thing, so be smart, choose wisely, and from the length of your text and how you used your words to paint this picture I think you’re smart enough to deal with this, even if you have panic attacks.
I am sorry I have no better answers for you, apart from ‘go towards where you are loved’, even if you have to put up with stupid rules and such. People who love you want the best for you. I kinda agree with the therapist. You cannot solve the problems of others, you can only solve your own. You cannot drag someone out of a swamp if you’re drowning yourself. When you’re safe on dry land, reach back to those who need some help as well. And the funny thing is, there are already people on dry land reaching for you. Look for the hands that stretch out to you to pull you to safety.

Martin / ThatOldDutchGuy