I lost my oldest son eight years ago yesterday he

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Belongs to: Therapist reacts to Hot To Be Me by Ren Ft Chinchilla
I lost my oldest son eight years ago yesterday. He was 15 years old. We were supposed to go fishing after work and instead I came home late from overtime and slept. He decided to try and recreate something he saw in a video and accidentally electrocuted himself in my shop. This song touches my soul. I feel trapped in this reality with no way out. I forgot who I was before this happened. I get up every morning and am forced to keep moving when I don’t want to. My mind doesn’t work like it used to. As humans we believe that we control our own destiny but in truth we have no control over what happens… “Where’s my God, where are you” is anger turning to desperation.
As I knelt over my son giving CPR I was begging for help. Now I ask " if there is a God…why didn’t he help my son? Why does he help others but not me?" Peoples answer… " God has a plan." I look forward to the day I die… God and I need to have a conversation!

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My friend, my heart goes out to you today. I am not a parent myself, although I lost my big brother a couple of years ago, and witnessed the hurt that my parents have been through afterwards. Losing a sibling is a unique, heartbreaking type of pain, and I came to see simultaneously how much losing a son is also a unique type of hurt that words are not enough to describe. I will never forget the sound of my mother’s screams and cries when she saw the body of my brother for the first time. The silence it leaves you with can’t be compared to anything else. I’m truly sorry that this has been a part of your own journey. Dealing with the injustice of losing your very own son, especially in such a sudden and brutal way. It’s something that belongs to what’s unconceivable to your heart, even after being forced to face that kind of reality.

How you feel makes so much sense in these circumstances, and somehow it doesn’t matter how much time has passed. The pain comes through waves that sometimes make you feel like it all happened yesterday. As you said so well, it feels like a part of you is gone with him, and you are left wandering with all these questions unanswered. It’s pure torture to the soul.

I don’t know if you are familiar with the metal band Parkway Drive, but the words you’ve shared here in your message have reminded me so much of this song called “Wishing Wells”. Winston (the lead singer) conveys the anger that the realms of grief generates in such a raw and honest way. The whole song is about needing to have a conversation with God, dotting the i’s and crossing the t’s as to why He seems to take away the ones we love the most in such unfair ways. It’s a dramatically beautiful depiction of the anger that fills you in when you are met with death so abruptly.

In a different context of course, this song has been a huge crutch to me personally, and I suspect that it could resonate with you as well, maybe offer some catharsis too. It isn’t much, but I hope it can offer some kind of release for you, even if just temporarily.

I won’t have the pretention to have any answer as to “why” such injustice happened, and to be honest I received similar answers as you when trying to find meaning through what seems to have none. It’s frustrating somehow, and isolating. With certainty though, I’m sitting next to you right now, even just virtually, and will be sending my thoughts to your son and you.

Thank you for sharing such an important of your story, of you. :heart:

Hey there!

First off I just want to say thank you for being open with us here, we appreciate it and don’t take it for granted.

Man… I am so so sorry for your loss. I know loss, but not in this way or in this relation. I am so sorry this is something you have experienced.

One thing I want you to know is this is not your fault, there was nothing more you could do to change what happened… I feel as though a lot of people wish they did something else, or wish they were there… I understand, but please know that there was nothing else that you could have done.

Loss is so hard… personally I have lost all my grandparents, I always wish there was more time- I wish I would have spent more time with them, been more open with them, more myself, but I have to remind myself that they are with me in spirit. It still is difficult some days to not get upset or sad when I get too into the thoughts of what I wish I had done or said.

The sadness of loss is so consuming, it is hard to see the light. After loss it is hard to remember who you were… that is something I can relate with, I can’t remember who I was before my losses, it changes you.

I have been there where it is so hard to get out of bed, where the thoughts are racing through your head. You can only do the best you can do, and that is ok. Some days it doesn’t feel like enough but it’s all you got- it is enough. Something I have been trying to do is get better at least 1% every day… some days it doesn’t happen- which is okay, because I know I did my best. It is good to remind yourself that you are doing your best. “Your best” looks different for everyone, try not to compare what you can do at this time to others. People react differently, they heal differently.

You have been through something that I cannot even imagine going through, how much pain it must be. My friend I am so sorry. I understand how loss, even after years, can still be so debilitating, like it just happened yesterday. I promise you, things get easier, they get better. I know in this moment that is so hard to see, but I promise you it gets better.

We learn to cope, we learn to live with loss, they are always here with you even if not on the plains of earth, in spirit.

It has got to be frustrating to hear everything happens for a reason, or god has a plan… that is something I still cannot accept yet after the years of my losses. And I think that’s okay… it is understandable to have this anger.

My friend, it gets better. It takes time and work, but I promise you getting through gets easier. It gets easier to deal with.

Please know you are not alone in this, we are here for you, here to listen and be a shoulder to lean on.

Much love to you my friend,
Lys