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Belongs to: Therapist grieves with Slipknot - XIX
I lost my wife last fall…
After a decade battle with cancer…
We spent 24 years together.
Not sure how to say it, but I have lost my reasons to continue
I lost my grandfather to throat cancer. Was a professional trumpet player and it brought a end to it. He was my best friend. I feel your loss. I feel your pain. I see the love you have for your wife and it is beautiful.
You have so many reasons to keep on moving forward and for one I believe it is to keep her memory going.
You take one day at a time. Even through the tears. One day can be one small step forward. Hold Fast my friend. Hope to see you come back.
-The Video Editor
HEARTSUPPORT
Experiencing the loss of a partner is truely something that stays with you. Mine was more recent and we may not have been together for quite as long, but I do miss them dearly, so I imagine that 24 years worth of love and memories is a very hard thing to deal with.
You’re not just losing someone you love, you’re losing someone you’ve spent time building the future with and all the plans that either have been started or haven’t even been made yet are felt hanging in their absence.
The love between you will always be present and real, truely believe that. It evolves through us and the expression of it changes from what we used to practise.
Hey my friend.
Firstly, thank you so much for posting about something so important.
I am proud of you for just taking that first step.
You mentioned in your post that your wife lost her battle with cancer after over a decade of fighting. And that has left you without much of a reason to want to continue on. Perhaps you feel, not depressed or lonely, but something further. Empty? Lost? I can imagine how devastated I would be if I lost my partner, how listless I would feel - as if I were just a piece of driftwood rocking in the waves, incapable of charting my own courses or destinations.
You are absolutely valid in how you feel. I think most of us would say that we would feel the same way.
I recently spoke to my partner about a situation like this. “What happens when the other person goes?”
We’ve only been together for a handful of years, so I can’t really say that I’m in the same boat as you. But I’ll be damned if I don’t pick up an oar and try to flail along for a bit.
We both have pretty bad anxiety so having a plan in place years in advance helps us to feel like we have some semblance of control. And her response to that question was so succinctly beautiful. I’ll paraphrase:
“I would be heartbroken to know that you gave up without me. We entered into this as two independent people who are sharing the experience of life together. If I go before you, I want you to live.”
It brings me to tears to think about now, honestly.
So I guess my question is - what would your wife want you to do? What would she ask of you? Are there things in this world you can accomplish or do that would honor the memory of her?
I’ve recently spoken to a friend who lost their wife suddenly. Their exploration of grief and regret has been a journey of ups and downs as they clean out their house and reduce the amount of stuff they have. They’ve even expressed perhaps moving to be closer to friends and getting a fresh start. Not to forget or move on from their wife. But to continue to live without the weight that now hangs in the air.
I know that the path ahead seems uncertain - is uncertain. That sounds like it must be terrifying to the point of paralysis. But I have faith in you. Faith in your love. Faith in your bond. And faith that, in time, you can find your footing when moving forward and figure out how to continue the path that you two started together.
I also want to say thank you for your post. It’s given me a great point of reflection for myself and my partner.
I hope that you’re ok my friend. I’m glad that you’re alive. And I’m proud of you. You’ve got this - just hold fast.