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Belongs to: Slaughter to Prevail - Demolisher Reaction
i love listening to this style of music but to be honest im scared to be happy everytime im happy something bad happens i went through the 2 worst years of my life finally came out the other side was happy for a few days then bang my life completly fell apart so i just give up on the idea of being happy
I’m sorry that you have been through such a rollercoaster of emotions and life experiences. Happiness surely feels like a distant dream most of the time. It is this beautiful landscape with a warmath far far ahead, that you know exist, that you know you can have access to, but that in order to get there there is this seemingly endless path to walk on. The distance seems infinite, if not extending itself each time you take a step forward. You try your best, you keep hope in your heart, you overcome challenges for the promised land… but then you reached it temporarily, which felt like a massive disappointment and heartbreak.
It honestly makes so much sense to feel the way you do right now. After all this time, after all these trials, it feels like you should have earned your right to be happy and to embrace it fully. That you have gained the possibility to sit and rest under a warm sun after walking under the rain for so long. It’s hard to reach something you’ve longed for a long time then to see it being evanescent, to reveal its true nature. By giving up on hope and on the idea of being happy, you protect yourself. It’s a very effective way to push aside the risk of feeling hurt and disappointed again. When you cut off a plant from its own roots, you remove the possibility for it to grow. Again, it really makes sense to feel like crawling in is the safest option from where you are.
From a personal perspective, I would still like to encourage you to keep hope in your heart, and to not fully shut the door to the possibility of feeling whole and happy in the present or in the future. Something that I personally have to remind myself all the time, is that happiness - or well-being - is not a constant state, not a destination in itself. Because as you descrived through your own experience, there is something impermanent in it. Just like sadness, grief, sorrow… these emotions are meant to come and go in our life, like waves of the ocean on the beach. It’s hard to embrace this idea though, because it also leads us to seeing life as profoundly unpredictable… and if everything is meant to change all the time, how can we even feel safe and fulfilled within?
During these two years of fighting for that promised land, you have been yourself through good and bad times, good and bad days, or even good and bad hours. You may have cried but also laughed, felt alone and also connected to the world around you at times. You may have felt hopeless and hopeful at various moments. Somehow, it’s all part of the same experience, it’s all on the spectrum. But it becomes so difficult to see the beauty within and around when we are struggling. The picture just becomes dark, and it takes repeated practice and intention to start seeing that happiness isn’t eluding us… it just tends to be overshadowed by the pain, the hurt, the fears and the stress we carry with us.
Through it all, through your story, on this journey of yours – you deserve to feel happy. To embrace what is and to lean towards the things you want to improve or change. You deserve the good, and you deserve to be supported during the bad. You deserve to feel safe within yourself, even when your entire world seems ot be shattering into pieces. Your safety, your well-being, your heart… it all matters so very much. YOU matter so much.