Disgusting. Horrible. Unhygienic.
That’s what I am.
Why?
Because, I’m romantically attracted to my little sister, despite the fact that she’s a big chunk of the reason behind my suicide attempts. Despite the fact that’s she’s three years younger. Despite that she’s exploited me, saying that she loves me(in a romantic way), trying to get me to ask her out, and yet
I still love her.
And on top of that, I don’t even have to motivation to get up and put on deodorant, literally marinating in my own sweat for two days, or even put on actual clothes. Hell, I can’t even clean my fucking room.
I’m a disgusting, fat ass, shitty bitch with zero social skills.
I am concerned about your feelings for your sister, especially since she apparently is taking advantage of your emotions. This is NOT a healthy relationship on many levels, your feelings of exploitation is a message from yourself to yourself, listen.
Loving someone and exploiting them cannot happen with the same individual, one has boundaries, and the other doesn’t. Understanding the difference between someone who “shows” you love and tenderness, and someone who truly cares is a hard lesson to learn. The one who truly cares, will not take advantage of you in any way, that person will want what is ‘best’ for you, at all times, because You are important to them.
Learning to motivate yourself is a whole genre of books… (think of the self help books). Give yourself a break, and acknowledge you’re going through a tough time, and give yourself space to heal. Don’t add to the pain by calling yourself names. You don’t need that… you need love and care. Be loving to yourself because you deserve to be loved by the most important person in your life… You. Peace