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Belongs to: Therapist reacts to BLACK by PearlJam
I’m going through this. We broke up in April and I thought I was moving forward but listening to this breakdown of a song I’ve loved for years is just hitting me hard. I need to let it out and I can’t. I haven’t cried - I just feel empty and numb. I know it will get better but this really sucks. 
Hi there. Oh man, so sorry to hear about your hurt. Yeah, relationships can be such a huge struggle especially when we’ve really connected with someone. And it doesn’t need to be romantic relationships. Our loving, bond to someone else where we connect on an intimate vulnerable level is both a blessing and a huge risk we take. I think that’s why I look at people who put themselves out there, give themselves to relationships in healthy respectful ways as stronger than they might see it. I hear you on wanting to cry and release that emotion. So many times it just feels like if we could just let it out we would feel so much better. I know for me when life gets overwhelming and I feel that pressure building up my system goes into that mode of overflowing. That I either need to let it out or shut down. Kinda like a sneeze that is building but you can’t sneeze. If only there were tricks like looking into a light to help trigger the release. For me music definitely can do it. There’s a song by Disturbed, A Reason to Fight, that almost always hits me hard and the tears just flow. I don’t know how long your relationship was but 5 months doesn’t strike me as long to being processing and healing. Your brain developed pathways and neurochemical associations with that other person. if anything on a physiological level it will take a while to learn new chemical pathways, to feel a reduction in the sting of the memories. I wish I had words to ease the pain. I can say that when I was younger I thought I needed to push the pain down or supplant it with other emotions like anger or try and force myself to forget but those weren’t healthy choices. And I don’t think they served me well. More recently I discovered meditation and more I guess Buddha like practices that have given me a way to honor all my feelings even the painful ones so that I’m not trying to avoid them or push them away. I feel like it has given me a way to both experience the emotion honestly and not be fighting myself. Breathing into the pains and saying to myself this is okay. I am okay. This hurt is a reflection of my deep connection. This pain is because I took a chance on something big and that’s good. It has worked for my anxiety, my depression and pretty much any difficult emotion I have. Strangely it seems to have taken the “teeth” out from how deeply these emotions used to rock my system. Give yourself grace on your healing from your relationship. You will get there. It’s my wish that you will find things that will help ease the hurt whether it’s therapy or just taking more time for yourself doing things you enjoy and you find a path through it where you can remember the love and the good moments but without regret or sadness. You got this.