The voice in your head doesn’t own you, and can’t control you. It also views life through a very distorted and negative perception.
Do you really believe that? When a person shows kindness, is it a lie? Did she hurt you, or is it the separation that hurts?
That voice isn’t who you are. Don’t bother hating it, because it doesn’t deserve the power to force you to have such a powerful emotion. Withdraw all power from the voice. When it comes, say something to the effect, “I hear you, but you deserve about as much consideration as a fart in a windstorm.”
Don’t hate people who were kind to you, then backed away. They tried, and for whatever reason, decided to gain some distance. It doesn’t make them bad people.
It sounds like you’re a very intense person. Others can find that intimidating. If they sense that you’re becoming “clingy,” odds are that will scare them away. It doesn’t work out very well to pretend that you’re not clingy. You need to genuinely, willingly and compassionately, be ready to let people seek their happiness, even if it doesn’t include you. Developing that capacity will go a long way toward helping you feel peaceful inside.
Love people for who they are, instead of how willing they are to bend to your will.
You develop strong attachments. They happen too quickly. It’s hard to let go of them. It’s not her fault.
It’s commonly believed that guys never really get over lost relationships, but the sense of loss eventually combines with appreciation for the good moments. There’s a blessing contained within the loss. Every time it happens an opportunity to gain wisdom occurs. That increases the odds that the next relationship will be better.
My wife divorced when she was young because her husband cheated. She stayed single for 7 years. She did some dating, but being with the guys didn’t “feel right” to her. I bugged her for a while, seeking an explanation as to why she chose to stick with me. She just said, “well, you’re different.” I think it just goes to show that for some people, the “spark” that leads to romance can be quite rare. I was alone for years before meeting her too.
Anyway, just because you haven’t found the right person yet doesn’t mean that you won’t.
Take care, Wings
