My boyfriend and I have been talking about kids and getting married and all that for months now…
He fake proposed and a joke tonight at dinner in front of my old coworkers at my old restaurant job…
I’ve been crying since…
He’s sleeping next to me.
He did apologize but still… that’s wasn’t ok…
I want to marry him so bad and he knows it
So why would that be a funny thing to him to do to me??
Sometimes people do and say things that they haven’t thought through very well.
It may be an idea to simply ask him what that was all about, and why did he thought what he did was appropriate.
Perhaps you’ve discussed this with him already?
Relationships are difficult in the best of circumstance, but what helps them to be successful is honesty. You’re hurt. Does he know? Does he realize how much pain you’re in? It’s important to share this with him, and it’s important to see how he reacts. His reaction should be one that eases your pain. He shouldn’t dismiss your feelings, that is certain, you have every right to feel as you do.
There is a saying, when someone shows you who they are believe them. People ‘say’ a lot of things, but it’s their actions that give them away. Part of being in a relationship, like being in life, is to align our words and our actions. If you don’t have alignment, something is amiss.
Go gently into the future, there is time to be sure of you and of him, as I’m sure you want to feel you are completely safe with the person you love. Peace
We have talked about it. He woke up and saw I was still awake.
He feels bad. He now knows how bad he hurt me and he hates it.
He’s worried I hate him. He’s worried I won’t marry him when he really asks me in the future.
My reaction told him that I’ve been wanting him to ask me to marry him.
He said he will never joke about it ever again.
I told him it’s gonna take a few days to forgive him. He understands that…
This is the first time he’s done anything like this so I’m forgiving him … but I can’t go through something like that again and now he knows
I’m very happy to hear he is remorseful.
It shows his words and actions align. It’s really good you two were able to talk about your feelings together. That is So important.
As for forgiveness. I think you’ve already forgiven him, which is good. He’s shown genuine sorrow for his words and actions, and demonstrated his concern for you.
As such, I would encourage you to be quick to forgive. You two will disagree plenty in the future, and at times it will be You who has done something or said something that you really, really, regret, we ALL make mistakes. When that happens you’ll want his love and forgiveness right away because it will let You know that your relationship is still strong. If you have children, teaching them to take responsibility for their mistakes, is SO much easier when they KNOW they are forgiven, without ‘strings’ attached, like “I’ll forgive you in a couple of days”. I don’t suggest you would EVER behave this way, I only use it as an example of ‘perception’. They may perceive your ‘time to forgive’ as a rejection, as it seems your boyfriend feels, with his concern that you ‘hate’ him. We’re all essentially the same in our need for connection and love, adults and children, we ‘need’ to know we are still loved when we screw up.
Forgiveness is huge, and I struggle with it, far too much, but I’ll never get an apology, and coming to terms with that, has forced me to take a hard look at forgiveness. Especially in regards to forgiving myself. Peace
My only thing is I don’t want to talk about marriage and things for a little. Every time I do I cry. This morning I went to my moms and curled up in her arms and sobbed. I’ve been engaged once before to someone who used me and used it has a way to make me not want to leave.
He is not that guy I know and I’m doing my best to not let my past make me do anything to lose him.
Do you think it’s okay to ask for a little space from talking about marrying and babies?
Let me give you permission to do what you think you need to do.
My very best relationship advice is being honest. If I were in your place, I’d need time to re-group, inside. I can see, how this ‘event’ shook you up and perhaps triggered old ‘unprocessed’ emotions, that’s okay. All that you feel is okay, feelings cannot be right or wrong, remember that, they are simply how we feel.
So, if our feelings are okay, then it is how we express them that becomes the driver of the car, so to speak, and that is where honesty comes in, be honest with how you feel, to yourself and to him. If you feel you want or need some space right now tell him how you feel, and Be prepared to listen to how he feels as well. Peace.
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