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I’m killing myself with food and can’t stop

I’m fat, like morbidly obese fat. I’m 5’4 and now weight 240lbs. I’ve never been this big before but I just keep gaining weight. I feel hopeless, like I’ll never be able to lose weight. I’ve tried everything there is to try and I just can’t do it. I don’t have the willpower and I’m lazy. I’m basically killing myself. I’m only 32 and my body aches constantly.

I feel like people don’t respect me, and look down on me because I’m fat. I don’t project the image of the person I strive to be.

I think “if I can’t even lose weight, what makes me think I can do ANYTHING else.” I just want to be successful at this ONE thing. I feel like being successful at losing weight will transfer to me believing in myself when it comes to other things in life, but I don’t think I’ll ever be successful.

I’m busy, but it’s a necessity for my business. I can’t seem to fit a lifestyle change into my busy schedule, or maybe I don’t want to… I told you I’m lazy. I’ve tried just changing ONE thing at a time. Like drinking water and my worthless piece of crap self can’t even do that.

I don’t know what to do. I can’t keep on like I am, but I don’t know how to change.

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I read for the first time the other day, this phrase: what you resist, will persist. At first I thought yeah whatever, just another modern wannabe profound quote on the internet. But I think there may be something in it… because trying to avoid something leads to you thinking about it, and next thing you know here we are again, letting ourselves down.

We have different struggles entirely, but maybe the best thing would be not to focus on avoiding foods or soft drink, but to find something new that you enjoy! Some new activity or hobby that is good for you, and no I don’t mean gym because fuck that, it’s boring. Something fun and rewarding that doesn’t feel like exercise. Gardening, furniture building, even art outside could be your thing. Or podcasts on a walk. Leave your credit card at home so you have no option to buy snacks out of home. I think avoiding misery and guilt ends in misery and guilt. So don’t… chase happiness instead:)

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I am really sorry things are so hard. It’s really hard to overcome food issues on your own. Most time it’s no different than an addiction. It’s not about the behavior but the core issues of why you turn to food. It’s not about self control or diets or being lazy at all. It’s about who you are and how you see yourself. I would challenge you to find someone like a counselor that can help you get to the root of the problem and help you overcome this addiction. I know there is a lot of shame that comes with these struggles but you deserve help just as much as anyone else. Also, they have overeaters anonymous meetings that can be really helpful. Thank you for sharing that was really brave. You don’t have to do this alone. It’s possible to get help.

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You are not alone. Before you spend anytime working to get healthier, you need go change how you think about yourself. Going into weightloss with this idea that your current form is disgusting will only cause unhealthy habits, eating disorders, and general misery. I suggest joining a body positivity group and talk to people how you feel. They may have good advice for feeling better about yourself.

I’m overweight too. Same height, around 195lbs. “But that’s less than me!” So? We both weight something and we both want to change ourselves to be happier and healthier. The way I stopped hating myself was to buy clothes that were comfortable and made me feel attractive. A size is just a number no one knows but you, but everyone knows when you are wearing clothes that don’t fit comfortably. Even something as simple as comfy underwear or something to lounge around the house in will help.

Next, you need to set realistic goals for yourself. Not: I want to lose 50 lbs in 6 months! But try for: I want to get up to walking a mile a day. Most of the time when we set goals for ourselves with a time limit, we stress ourselves out and hate ourselves when we don’t reach it. My current goal? I want to bike more often so I can build my leg strength up and do this 10 mile trail by my house. I can do almost 10 miles one way now so i have to build myself up to doing 20 miles now! I’m excited because i achieved a goal and now i can make a bigger goal. Biking is fun for me, find something fun, something you look forward to doing.

Overeating: it’s easy to tell you why you overeat. I’m the same way. Eating releases endorphins and so eating makes you feel good. When you are lacking endorphins, our body tells us to eat to make more endorphins. The only way you can fix that is by finding an alternate way to create endorphins. For me I had to get on meds, but that’s not always the solution. Stress is also a big cause of overeating and stressing about your appearance will add to that.

240 lbs is not really that big. I know it feels like it, but there are plenty of people a lot bigger who don’t want to change themselves for the better. Weight is just a number, the important part is you liking who you are and being content with yourself and your well being.

Find a friend, they are great motivation when really don’t want to do anything. I’m talking someone out of shape who wants to improve themselves too. Motivate each other. Psyche each other up. No one in mind? Join a support group.

I believe in you, we can do this together!

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It’s hard, I know. Try wearing a physical reminder, like a tattoo or a piece of jewelry. Let that remind yourself what you want to be.
You can do this. Laziness is a nasty habit that can be broken. Believe me, I’m lazy as hell too. Maybe you need someone in your life, someone who inspires you and has gone through the same struggles and made it out alive. Laziness may feel good in the present, but what about your future? You say that if you can do this one thing, it’ll transfer to you believing in yourself. Maybe it’s the other way around. Maybe you have to believe in yourself, grind your teeth and think, I can do this. I will do it.
Ask yourself what you really want to be. And in the moments of laziness, ask yourself if it’s worth it. Because tomorrow you’ll regret it.
You can get through this friend

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Being fat can be unhealthy. Whaling on yourself about how you’re lazy and can’t do one thing (!) will kill you. I don’t mean suicide. Putting yourself under this much stress because you don’t think that you’re good enough will give you a heart attack no matter what your weight is. So stop. Please stop. “Stop beating yourself up” is one thing to do. Working on willpower is another thing that you can do. You can even do them at the same time.

Something people don’t say for some reason: most people were not born with much willpower. Willpower is a muscle and saying “no” to something unhealthy can be a flex of that muscle. If you try to stop beating yourself up, it’s probably going to be pretty hard, even though that shouldn’t make sense. Every time that thought pops up and says “you’re fat, you’re ugly blah blah blah” and you say “no.” your willpower will get stronger. If you can’t do it, get smaller willpower weights and lift those. Get up 5 minutes early. Shower with slightly colder water. I don’t care how low you need to go. You are the only one judging you on this. Nobody else can see it. Let your first act of willpower be to value yourself enough to start to change —look at that! You did it! You asked for help! You have no idea how hard that is for some people (me). That’s one thing done, already.

Dieting can be easier than you think. The only fad diet I’ve ever believed in: you take a plate, you fill it up with food, and then you remove 10% of each kind of food and eat the food still on your plate. I like this because it doesn’t need much willpower. Just enough to remove that 10%. You do it until it’s easy (it gets easier because you have more willpower from saying no to eating the 10% at the start of getting the food) and then you either start removing 20% or if you start automatically taking the smaller portions and then reduce those by 10%. You will be re-teaching your brain what the right portion size is and can teach it portions as small as you can go without causing anxiety or anything else that would cause stress, make you freak out and stop dieting. When your brain expects small portions, it’s going to stop demanding bigger ones. This isn’t supposed to be stressful (it still might be), it’s for the long haul. If you binge eat, I focused on quality rather than quantity. I would still “binge” but focus on the taste and texture rather than how full I was. Get the endorphins from the food, not from being full, and then gradually reduce the quantity when you think you can. Don’t think that you’re worthless if you slip up. That’s the most important part of any diet. Slips happen. Don’t hate yourself, that just makes it worse.

If you’ve read through this message that is supposed to be helpful and cheery and is probably condescending instead, something that’s important: sometimes there is nothing you can do to lose weight. Especially if the weight came on suddenly and for no apparent reason. You can do everything right and it won’t go away. This happens to everyone on one of the halves of my family. If this is what’s going on, stop caring about it. That’s oversimplified and sounds a bit cheeky but if you can’t do something you can’t do something and it doesn’t help to watch the people who can and be envious because you can’t. If you can’t do something, give up on that thing and focus on something else. I’ve met a very short, fat woman with a pockmarked face and she was hilarious and kind and I liked her and I didn’t care about her height or her weight or how she looked. If you can’t lose weight, and you don’t think that you’re attractive, work on being attractive another way (and frankly, a better way). Instead of seeing your body, people can see you instead. Kindness and happiness and smiles are a good way to start. Being outgoing is really good but it can also be really hard because you if you have social anxiety, it will get in your way unless you don’t let it. That takes willpower, but you can fix that. One way or another, everything that you think is wrong with you can be fixed or changed, by YOU.

One last thing: if you can, exercise. Even if you don’t lose weight, you get a lot of things with exercise, including a longer life. If light exercises make you fall to the floor and wonder what is wrong with you, you might need to see a neurologist and get a ‘tilt table test.’ I wish someone had told me that.

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I am overweight too. I also have PCOS which makes it hard on my body at times to lose and keep off the weight. I’ve battled weight issues ever since I was a little girl. So I understand the stress, the pain, insecurity, the hurt and feeling like everyone is judging and looking down on you.

For a long time I would eat my feelings. Due to all of my anxiety and depression issues and my agoraphobia…getting out in public has always been hard on me. Eating things that felt like comfort was a frequent go to for me. It took me many years to take a hold of my health and start fighting.

Some things I helped myself do where I struggled. Water has always been hard for me. I can’t drink it if it has the wrong texture, warmth or taste. Weird I know. But I can tell. so I started putting ice and lemon juice in my water! This helped me drink my water more. There are also water flavorings out there that you can put in your water to make it taste better. I also drink a lot of seltzer and sparkling water. As it doesn’t have sugar in it. It can be bland and takes getting used to. But I started drinking more of that and cut out soda.

I also cut back on caffeine. I love my coffee. But I found it’s more for the flavor. So I still get the coffee I like but I get decaf (FYI decaf still has small amounts of caffeine. Just significantly less)

I stopped eating out. When I do, I try to look at the healthier sides of the menu. And when getting salads I always take the dressing on the side. Dressing actually packs a lot of calories!

I try to find healthy alternatives for the things I enjoy and try my best to get those things instead.

My biggest issue isn’t trying not to buy stuff. I’m pretty okay these days at telling myself NOT to buy junk. It’s when it’s in the house that I struggle not eating it all. So I never buy a lot of sweets or junk stuff. And try to buy single or small servings at a time.

I know how hard it is to make new changes and adjustments. I know how hard it is to make a life style change. And I know how hard it is to do it alone and very especially if you have an environment that doesn’t help. I’ve been there.

It does take patience. But sometimes you don’t even have to take time out of your schedule to improve on things. Sometimes it’s as simple as changing things around a little.

I don’t do well with exercising out of my house because it’s so humid where I live, I have performance anxiety and I struggle being in public. So i don’t always get all of the exercise I probably should. But if there is even one person you trust that you can hang with and walk around a mall with…that’s something.

I’d like to get a treadmill. But it’s been hard finding one.

Anyway. You are worth so much more than I know you feel right now. You are important. You matter. I know that being overweight really weighs heavy on us. I’ve been living that stress most of my life.

Small goals and one day at a time. It’s never too late to make even the smallest and most simple changes. And don’t be afraid to reach out for help. From a friend, from a family member, a support group online or offline, a therapist.

Change is always hard. But my friend, I know we are strangers but you are so loved and I care about you.

I hope that you are able to find the strength and courage to find a way that works for you. That you are able to learn to love yourself inside and out. That you are able to know your worth. You don’t have to go at this alone. But I know how isolating it is.

I see you. I hear you.

  • Kitty
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I live this out everyday in my own existance… I once lost weight, 60 pounds and was on a fully healthy lifestyle. My dad was proud if me since he was at his heaviest 600 pounds… Then once he passed away, the part of me who succeeded at the one thing that gave my life meaning was buried with him… Now im 31 sitting at 380 pounds, a loser and failure to my family and everyone around me…

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Echo. I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. My heart really felt heavy when you called yourself a loser. You know what, that is not true. No matter the trials you are facing right now, no matter the weight you are at, you are so important, loved and VALUED. I know you may not feel like it. And even as a perfect stranger I care so much for your person.

If you’d like to have a friend and get to know each other, please do not hesitate to reach out to me. You deserve friendship, love and support as much as the next person. And deserve to be surrounded by people who remind you of this daily.

You are not a failure. You are a human who has hurts and struggles.

You have a friend here.

  • Kitty
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Hi I’m new to this but I read what you wrote and I felt like I was reading my story. I need help I’m in the exact situation. I know I’ve been through a lot in my life and I know why I eat but I don’t know how to stop when it’s slowly killing me and my body is aching from all the weight. I’m 5.1 230lbs. I don’t know what to do when eating is what helps me get through but is also killing me slowly. So I came here for help because it’s serious and I hope something or someone can help me.

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Hi There,
I just typed into google “killing myself with food” and found your post. I can relate to every.thing.you.said. Literally!!
I’m finding that I have no idea how to take care of myself. All my habits are bad and I have no idea where to start. I am currently having a diabetes scare. Waiting to see Dr. but it has been a huge wake up call. I have had those before and went right back. But, the blood sugar spikes are getting crazy so I can see the danger in real time.
I feel the same way about myself too. I feel like it may be good to connect, if you were interested.

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I hear you and you sound like me. 5’3" 240 and gaining. Miserable. Pathetic. Clearly not good at positive self talk. Desperate for change but too lazy and worthless to see anything through.