I’m not a good person

Recently the heart support community has grown a lot- and that’s wonderful. I’m glad to see so many new people reaching out for help… right now though it’s really hard for me to help at all.

I’m not positive anymore. I don’t even like to say it but honestly I dread helping people now. I can’t help people now is the easiest way to put it.

I get too mad. I feel like people don’t listen or they aren’t trying. So I get even more mad. I get chest pains and can’t breath.

I can’t even look in the HS discord anymore because I just feel so behind. All these new people are there which once again is wonderful but now I just feel- alone I guess.

A lot of stuff has happened which has left me to feel like a lot of things are my fault. I got in an argument with my best friend and now she wants us to be there for each other… I don’t even know what to say. I can’t do that. I can’t be there for people anymore.

I used to love helping people…

It used to be my everything…

And now I hate it.

Now I can’t take it. Now I feel cold and ruthless.

I push people away. But they don’t reach out to me anyways- it’s unequal effort. I don’t feel like I have anyone.

I’m always the hello, I’m always the how are you.

Recently I’ve been really wanting to die. I’m frustrated with people being- in the best way I can explain- stuck up my butt; my mom won’t leave me alone she asks over and over every day if I’m ok but I can’t even be honest becaus it’s like she just doesn’t get it.

Next Tuesday I won’t have a job.

Im just not good enough at art or music or anything.

I don’t fit in anymore. I really don’t know if I’m even meant to be part of this community anymore. And it really hurts to say.

I’ve let a lot of people down.

1 Like

Dear @Lys
Maybe you need a break is all. I know I personally have felt the same: trying to help, but nobody seems to listen. Many times, that person still needs help, and in many cases, may still be trying to listen to you, but they might find it hard to. It sucks, I know.
My advice? Take a break from helping others, and try to help yourself. Get your own life on track, then if you’re up to it, help others. Do it for the same reason you put your air mask on in a plane before a child’s: they may need it more, but you can’t help them if you black out from hypoxia.
Like I said, I’ve been here. I’ve flat out told people I gave up on them, and I regret having done that. But a short time later, I found that I still wanted to help them, it just turned out that I needed “me” time. Try it for yourself, it could be worth it.
Stay strong, you are loved :slight_smile:

Hey @Lys I am going to try to answer this in in order cause man you got a lot on your plate and I can tell. Thank you for sharing. You are so right that HS community has grown a ton. Thats great but with that comes the over whelming posts and realization how many people out there are hurting. I am a extrovert I love helping others and sharing as much energy as love on others that I forget I need love also. I get burned out and realized I was not loving myself. It takes time and prayer to remember to take time for myself. It sounds selfish. Now I’m a christian and sometimes I need to have a time to where its just God and I. Personal One on One time. It helps me remember who I am. What I need to do. It helps me remember and understand that we all need personal time to get re energized.

We can not save everyone. That has been one of the hardest things for me to accept. I love talking to people and helping them. I thrive on that but sometimes people will not listen to what you have to offer. You can take a horse to water but you can’t force it to drink. They have to take the step forward.

One of my favorite quotes from Lord of the Rings that Sam says to Frodo. I cant carry the ring for you, but i can help carry you there. Only Frodo and throw the ring away into the fire. We can help each other but they have to make the step to move forward.

Take Your time and take a break. It is okay to take your time off. You are loved and take a good rest

self caring is an important step in taking care of others. it’s what makes it possible to keep caring for people in the long run. and you can’t do the long run at the pace you do a sprint.

lys, take some time for yourself, to do your art (which you know i love), and to find that new job. you absolutely deserve to have those things for yourself too

You are a good person. You’re one of the pillars of this community. I love you Lys. Take a break if you need - that’s okay. You’re amazing.

Hold Fast
Kayla

@Lys Here is our video response. Hold Fast. You’re loved.

2 Likes

Hey buddy. I’m incredibly fortunate to know you and you have helped me many times. Admittedly I have not checked in as much as I wish I have. I will do better. I’m so incredibly proud of how far you’ve grown in the time I’ve been honored to know you and call you my homie. Your voice is incredibly and your guitar playing ability is far greater than mine.
Your voice and guitar fit each other perfectly. Your art is amazing. Your comics warm my heart and I was just listening to some of your covers before I saw your post. You. Are. Talented.
I have been looking forward to collaborating with you for a while and I feel out of my league doing so. I know how it feels to be discouraged and hate your own art. I feel similar when I get really low and depressed. I am so unbelievably proud of you. You’ve come so far and you’ve helped so many people so much. It’s ok to take a break, you deserve it. You are not alone.
No matter how many mistakes we make, no matter how many accidents happen, we’re gonna keep on living and things will be just fine.
Let’s talk more at some point. I love you my dude, im here for you and I will do better at responding to you and messaging you.

“Already, we’ll all float on
No, don’t you worry, we’ll all float on, alright
Already, we’ll all float on, alright
Don’t worry, we’ll all float on” as said by Modest Mouse - Float On