My husband and I just got the news that we’ve been hoping for, for over a year. We are pregnant. Baby is due May 2025.
But today it all of a sudden hit, that I don’t think I’m ready. We have an 18 month old who I love dearly and is my entire world. But sometimes I get overwhelmed with her. And what am I going to do when there’s two of them.
This has put me in a pretty deep spiral where I feel stupid, selfish and alone. I know it’s not talking about as much as post partum depression but I do believe pre partum depression is also a thing.
I’m just struggling. I know we have so much time. And I know we’ve been trying for so long. But I’m just feeling so lost and alone and overwhelmed.
Congratulations on the pregnancy! It sounds like you have been trying to get pregnant for quite some time and now you got pregnant, which is mostly good news. But you start to worry that maybe you are not ready. Is it correct to think that this is because you sometimes get overwhelmed with your 18 month old and you dont know what will happen if there is another child added to the feelings of overwhelm?
First of all let me say that I think you are not stupid or selfish at all! The fact that you worry about possibly being overwhelmed shows me that you already care for this unborn baby. Because if you would not care you would not think about being ready or not, if that makes sense. Second of all, from what I have seen around me with my sister and friends, pregnancies mess with your hormones and feelings a LOT. So one moment you might feel happy about being pregnant and the next you don’t want to be pregnant and then you are undecided and this rollercoaster just goes on it seems like. I think those feelings are valid. And I am glad you share them here and I hope it helps to know that we are here to support you.
You are right, you still have quite some time, but your brain might tell you otherwise. Maybe this time will be a way to prepare yourself and your partner mentally and physically and practically.
To me being overwhelmed by your child can be quite normal. I see it with other people around me, sometimes a kid is not listening or not feeling well or you don’t understand each other and this can lead to being overwhelmed and feeling as if you are failing. But you also say your 18 month old is your entire world and I think that is the most important thing. To allow yourself to be overwhelmed at times, and to think of ways on how to handle that. Either alone or together with your partner. I see my sister getting angry, upset, overwhelmed with her 3 kids as well. And yet she is an amazing mom because she loves the kids so very much and they are her entire world. I think if the love is the focus that might help in accepting there will be difficult moments as well. They are not nice, you don’t want them to happen, but they are unfortunately part of life. And they do not make you a bad mother or bad person. On the contrary, I think it shows how very much you love them.
I am sorry you feel so alone, I do hope knowing we are here for you helps even when it is a little bit. Please know that you are valuable and you matter! Hold fast, you got this
I’m sorry to hear that you are experiencing such a difficult internal struggle. I think one of the most important things you can do is communicate with your partner about the internal struggle. Who knows, maybe your partner has some similar thoughts floating around. Communicating it will at least help you feel less alone. And the sooner the better, obviously. Time is of the essence! Talking about it doesn’t mean you have to make any decisions either. I also want to encourage you to avoid dwelling on those feelings of stupidity and selfishness. You’re only human and you’re gonna have flaws and make mistakes. And please keep in mind that everything happens for a reason. Listen to your heart, open your mind and above all Trust your gut. If it doesn’t feel right in your gut, you need to talk about it! I truly hope this finds you well and that you can find a silver lining no matter what the outcome of this is. The sun will always shine tomorrow. Stay optimistic. Stay positive. You’ve got this!!
Hey Monkey, it’s me.
I’m so proud of you to know that you and your hubby are expecting a second child! If anything I want you to know you’re not alone in how you’re feeling.
My wife and I got pregnant with our first a month into marriage. Didn’t expect it, it just happened. And we were so scared and excited at the same time. Fast forward to last year, we found out we were gonna have our second. This one was tougher still to think through and process. Are we not gonna love both the same? Are we able to provide for them? Are we qualified to do this? What am I going to have to sacrifice to do this? Am I selfish for not wanting to sacrifice more for this? So many questions swirl and come and go and return.
If I could offer any advice, just love that little one with all you have. It’ll be different, but you’ll grow into this like you did with the first. Things will change, plans could change, but either way the constant is knowing you’re growing as a family, and that’s fantastic.
We’re in your corner. We’re so proud of you, we care for you, and we love you. You’re gonna do great. Would love to catch up sometime, you’re all grown up since we talked last! You’re amazing. Keep holding fast
