Okay so, I’ve been cutting for a while now, but today my mom noticed and she said “we’ll have a talk later”. She’s never nice about this sorta thing and I don’t want to be yelled at and I’m scared. I’m not sure if she actually will, and I’m talking about other things hoping she’ll forget, but I’m so scared. What do I do?
4 Likes
Breathe. You will be okay. I promise your mother loves you and whatever happens, whatever she says comes from a place of concern.
1 Like
Its completely normal for you to feel scared right now friend. Remember to breathe & remember regardless the outcome, you WILL be okay. I hope she is kind and wants to help you out. I used to self harm and I was so scared of my
Parents knowing. I feel your pain I really do. They are really unkind about mental health stuff. Please stay strong. Your feelings are valid. Keep us posted 
3 Likes
Okay, so she did approach me about it. She, although not in that mean of a way, sorta interrogated me about it, like when I did it, with what, and why, if I got the idea from someone else, all of which I refused to answer. Despite answering nothing, she surprisingly went easy on me, just making me promise not to do it, and I won’t at least for a while. But it’s this sort of thing where I’m sort of split. On one hand, I’m glad I got let off easy and no one was really involved, but at the same time, if it was out of genuine concern for me, she wouldn’t have needed to ask why, she wouldn’t shame me for doing it. She’s the cause of a lot of the suffering that led me to cut, and she just makes me stop and continues to not give actual support. I was actually starting to feel a bit better because of the cutting, but as usual, nothing ever works out for me. She just intrudes on me mentally, and does nothing to help me. Her concern isn’t towards me, it’s about whether she’ll look good as a parent if her kid self-harms. She made a point of saying I shouldn’t do it because people would ask questions. It wasn’t terrible, but I still feel horrible.
1 Like
So it went okay but not great. She made it pretty clear she wasn’t genuinely concerned about me, but about whether she’d have her parenting questioned if people saw my cuts. God I hate her. She tries to make it seem like she’s all nice, for a second trying to incentivize me not to do it, but it just feels so wrong. Even though out talk is done, my head still feels like it’s about to burst. It feels like this kind of stuff always happens, and it really adds to my stress. Funnily enough, it’s this kinda thing that makes me want to cut, but I’ll be in huge trouble if she sees. I’m tempted to cut where she won’t see as easily, but I don’t want to take a risk. This next month or so isn’t looking like it’ll be good, especially since I can’t cut.
Im so sorry. Did she say anything about wanting to get you therapy or want to look into meds you can take? That sounds pretty much just like how my mom is so I really really feel your pain. She worries only for herself. If my issues ‘embarrass’ her she is irritated. Please hang in there even if its hard. Ive struggled with self harm, suicidal thoughts, depression and severe anxiety. The main things I carry now are depression and the severe anxiety. Ive been told
For years I should be in therapy and my
Parents do not help. Ive managed to take steps of my own to get better. There is hope for you even with your mom seeming she doesnt care. I will seek out real help when I leave for college so I am not advising you to give up and dont ask for help but go to your school guidance counselor if you can. Tell someone who will help you, if that isnt an option it truly gets better. You gotta find those healthy coping mechanisms. Things that make you feel better.
2 Likes
My mother tends to ask me “Why are you depressed?” when I tell her that I struggle to feel much of anything other than crushing guilt, anxiety, or sadness. It really does sound like an interrogation and I know the “why??” is so difficult to answer when confronted head on about it. Over the years I’ve tried to see it from her perspective and in talking to my friends who have similar issues, my theory is this: Mothers want to know the source of the problem so they can see what’s wrong and develop a plan on how to fix it. Sometimes they really don’t understand what’s going on…and that is human to be so flawed. I’m so sorry your mom turned it around and made it all about her, I doubt she realized that would be more upsetting than anything else.
I think cs15 is on the right track with asking to see a therapist. I do believe HeartSupport has links to some good links for you to investigate on this matter. You’re hurting and you need a professional to help you out of this awful stress.
In the meantime, just remember that you are loved. We’re rooting for you, and we’ll be here to talk with you whenever you need us. 
1 Like
. Her concern isn’t towards me, it’s about whether she’ll look good as a parent if her kid self-harms. She made a point of saying I shouldn’t do it because people would ask questions. It wasn’t terrible, but I still feel horrible.
That’s tough, friend. I’m really sorry that’s how she expressed her concerns. It’s really hard to have a parent who seem self-absorbed and is more worried about keeping up appearances. My mom has always been like this too. She “interrogated” me when I was a teenager, once, about my eating disorders, and never talked about it again. It was really uncomfortable and I felt wrong for… struggling. She was only worried about herself at the moment because being a parent was more a therapy than a responsibility to her, most of the time. It was always about her and her needs, not her children, even if most of the time she wasn’t even aware of that.
It shouldn’t be like this, especially since those conversations are already difficult in themselves. But if there’s something I also hear through your words, from an outsider perspective, it’s that you have a very mature and thoughtful perception of why you harm yourself. You understand the pattern, the logic behind, and that’s a huge strength you have here. Now, even if your mother didn’t ask it, the question remains: what would be your next step to change this cycle? Acknowledging is a step, taking the right actions is another one. If you don’t really have any safe place to think about it “irl”, you know you can always reflect on those questions with us here. You’re not alone. You’re not misunderstood. How you feel is not dismissed.
Well, I’m entirely clueless as to how I would stop the cycle, even if I wanted to. For as long as I’ve been doing it, it’s been just cutting for a while, and for whatever reason stopping cold turkey. Right now, I’m in a position where I had to stop immediately, because now my mom checks my arms often now, and I wouldn’t be able to get away with it. And as soon as I stopped, I felt worse. Things had started to look up even just a tiny bit, and now I feel terrible. I only see self-harm as something that helps, I don’t want to stop unless I absolutely have to, which in this case is true temporarily. But after the whole deal with my mom, when I take a look at my arms and see all those cuts, I felt that shame she made me feel when she yelled at me about it. Sorry if I went a bit off topic, but my point is I have no intention to stopping unless it’s a case like there where someone else gets involved. So for a while I won’t be able to. But in the end, my mom doesn’t really care, so the heat will die off soon and I can resume as usual. Again, nothing about it seems bad, and it’s one of the only things that helps me. Even though I understand this cycle of why I do it, I don’t want to have to stop.
1 Like
Hey hun,
I get not wanting to stop. And I can’t tell you what to do, but I can offer suggestions if you want them. Keep reaching out here, okay? I’m proud of you for being as strong as you are and knowing why you do it. Since you don’t want to stop, (I’m going to big sister you here), just make sure they’re staying clean and have a good, clean covering. I’m sending you lots of love and hugs over the airwaves.
It is something that helps - totally. It’s a coping mechanism and is a way to respond to a need (depending on what is yours at the moment). A way to deal with our emotions. And people who don’t see that can’t really understand how it works, like your mom. But as for other kind of coping mechanisms that results in hurting ourselves one way or another, it also creates a vicious circle when it becomes our only way to cope. The feeling of being in control results in being controlled by the habit itself. Which is definitely not in contradiction with feeling an instant relief when you hurt yourself. How you feel makes sense. And no worries, that’s definitely not off-topic. You explain your experience and how you feel about it at the present moment. That’s really appreciated.
The decision of breaking this cycle will always be yours. Just know that the door is always open here in both cases, because we care about you. Nothing to be ashamed of. I appreciate you for sharing. Thank you.
1 Like
Thank you so much. Your support means so much to me. And yeah, self harm helps, but I’m trying to find other things that help as well. But it’ll definitely be tricky with my mom trying to find her way into everything I do. Regardless, I’m really going to try my best. So again, thanks! 
2 Likes
This topic was automatically closed 30 days after the last reply. New replies are no longer allowed.