I’m scared of being abandoned again

Okay so lately I’ve been emotionally distancing myself from my close friends. I’m so scared of continuing to open up to them because in the past when my friends were aware that I have major depression and ptsd and listened to my thoughts, they started distancing from me. I felt as though my thoughts were too much for them. Once I graduated high school a couple of years ago, I never spoke to them again. Now that i’m in college and found my real friends, I’m scared that they will leave me too because I feel as though my thoughts are too much for them because my thinking is very unstable and all I want is their love, support, and understanding. All I could do for now is isolate myself because I’m scared of getting hurt by the friends that I love and care dearly for. And I’m scared that them leaving will just cause me to feel extreme lonliness and start spiraling into a black hole.

~Sailor

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Hi sailorel, thanks for reaching out.

I lost a lot of people throughout my life. Friends, family, girls…and I always thought it was my fault. You see, when everyone is distancing from you, who else could be blamed for it?

What I’ve learned, is that sometimes people are not willing to actually listen and stay. And that’s good, not everyone is made for that. What you need to know although, is that people enter and leave your life for a reason. And sometimes they will walk away, but that’s not always a bad thing. Sometimes people leaving make you realise a lot of stuff, and help you find your path. Don’t be scared of losing people, always remember that they’re losing you too.

This topic also comes in a good time, as I’ve met all of my best high school friends again earlier today. I’ve been a dick and sometimes treated them badly, yet they called me up to meet them in their own house. It was the best feeling ever, so don’t wait any longer and text them. Call them. Do whatever you want but talk to them. Maybe they’re just waiting for you to do that.

I hope you have a great time with all your new friends in college, and I hope you can find the best friends for you.

Love you

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Hey Sailor,

Thank you for talking about this. I think this fear sits with so many of us in so many ways. Whether it is fear of change, fear of trying new things, fear of loving again. The past can dictate our future if we let it.

But my community and I think it may be more worth it to take a leap of faith

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Sailor,

Man, so difficult when what you need is also what you fear the most…when you NEED support, but you fear getting that support will cost you those relationships…when you fear that at the end of the day, you are too much of a burden for people to love. What’s difficult is that you even realize that you’re isolating – so it’s like, you’re watching yourself slowly sink, and every inch you sink lower, you feel like you’re gasping for help, but don’t say a word. Such a tough spot to be in, because it feels like you’re choosing between being externally lonely vs internally lonely – you either have friends or you talk about your problems.

I can relate to what you’re going through, as I have a couple of close friends that I do open up about my problems with. In particular, as I journey through my recovery with my addiction to porn, I have four guys that I call whenever I’m struggling or after I’ve relapsed or when I’m in a stressful situation, and they help me talk through the things I can’t think myself through on my own. But even this week I noticed I haven’t reached out to them when I’ve faced low points because I’m afraid I’m going to burden them, or call at the wrong time, or this is going to be the time that they’re like – yo dude, get your shit together.

And the only thing that gets me out of that funk is just leaning through the fear. Honestly, when I’m isolating, I can’t think myself through a lot of things that get me hung up. I can’t think myself through – yeah my friends haenv’t left me YET, but THIS might be the time! I just get stuck there, even though it’s totally improbable and borderline illogical. So when I’m in that place, I just have to trust the fact that I need help, and I call out of selfishness, honestly, ha. I need help, and these are the people I call when I need help. I hope that they respond well, and every time they do. It’s more that I know that when I’m sinking, I can’t pull myself out. I NEED other people, and the risk of how they might react never outweighs the risk I know I’ll face of sinking.

I don’t know what the “right” choice is for you, because we don’t have identical situations, but I hope my experience that I’m going through currently can help illuminate something helpful for you. You’re certainly not alone.

-Nate

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Thank you for your input. I’m sorry you had to go through that. I mean I’m still struggling with this issue like I’ve tried my fear to not get in the way of my friendships, but unfortunately it still there, but I’ll keep your advice in mind.