I know I have no reason to apologize but it’s all that I can think of.
Yesterday it wasn’t just work that led me to where I was, it was my dad getting mad which led me into the thought process of me always messing everything up and not being good enough.
Should have explained better.
I feel like no one ever knows what someone else is going through and it makes me feel hopeless and defeated, I can’t express how I feel very well. It never comes out right.
I have chest pains again and all that is running through my head is what ifs. What if my dad is still mad, what if my mom is mad. My head hurts from crying so much.
I had a complete mental breakdown last night. I just wanted to rip my hair out and burn myself and hurt myself because I felt I deserved it.
The hardest part about being open is the way people look at you. When I was going to counseling my mom seemed to never understand. I could always hear the disappointment in her voice. The looks from my sister, telling me I just need to get the help that I need.
We’ve never been close in times like these.
I was told I need to tell my dad how his actions make me feel. I still believe that conversation will never happen. I’m too scared.
I really just can’t wait to get out of this house. Work is my outlet so I’m glad to be getting more hours.
I get life is like that sometimes. Work is hard. And so on.
Sorry if I’m annoying to you. Sorry if I’m a burden. I shouldn’t have to say I’m sorry but I don’t know what else to do.
Im trying to save up to move out. A wound won’t heal if you keep picking at it. It’s been proven if I’m still living here I’m not going to get better.
I had bad dreams last night about my dad being mad at me, and me trying to tell my mom we should talk to my dad and she started yelling at me. I know they were dreams but they impact me.
That’s all I have for now. Thanks for reading.