I’m struggling with wanting to be alive

I’ve been really struggling with my depression lately. It absolutely ruined my relationship and I really tried to get help after realizing how bad it had gotten and what it had done with my relationship. Mind you this was the girl I was going to marry and had told myself this for years. I knew I wanted to be with her forever and battling with my demons on my own ruined our relationship and she’s gone now so I’m struggling even more with everything. I’m type 1 diabetic and deal with having to keep myself alive on a daily basis and have been letting myself slip in that aspect to. Not taking care of myself and checking my blood sugars and running out of insulin and not caring enough to change my port and get more insulin. I just feel so helpless and stuck and I don’t want to do anything anymore. I’ve lost all interest in life and everything that used to make me happy is just so dull and meaningless to me. I work swing shifts and on my night shifts I contemplate suicide a lot and I scare myself with those thought because I know I have a lot to live for and I don’t want my little niece to grow up without her uncle but I also don’t want to feel like this. I hate myself for letting my demons ruin my relationship and I hate that I can’t get myself to want to even take care of my diabetes let alone get off the couch to do anything. I stare at the pictures on my walls of me and the love of my life and I wonder how long it might take for someone to find me if I killed myself right then. I know I need help and I know I need to feel better I just don’t know what to do to get to that point. I just don’t want to do this anymore and today was the day I ultimately decided I just don’t care anymore and I don’t want to be here.

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Hi friend, thanks for sharing.

I am type 1 diabetic too and went through the same things you’re going through. I remember I didn’t even take any insulin for a month straight because of that, but that’s not good. In my situation, doctors didn’t understand and just told me I had to control myself better. However, diabetes is not the issue. Depression is. And you need to concentrate on that first if you want to have better values all around.

Try doing what you love even if it’s hard when nobody’s by your side, and I promise it will soon be better. I lost my loved one months ago (the one i thought I knew I was going to marry) and the situation was the exact same. Concentrating on myself, training a lot, and keeping a healthy diet helped me get out of depression and now I don’t even remember what having high glicemy is like.

Keep us updated. Love you

pioggia :sunflower:

Hi friend.
There is purpose for your life. This may sound so generic but there is purpose for you life. It may be an overused saying but it is soo true. We go through different seasons of life (some harder than others), but they make us stronger if we allow them too. Suicide is never the answer. The world is better with you in it. God has a great plan for your life. Something really great. I promise. You can get through this, God is cheering you on too and ready to help you.
Hold fast. Praying for you.

Hi Awhite24, i really relate to that feeling of not feeling motivated to do basic stuff to go on in life. My depression got so bad at one point that I had no friends AND I wasn’t even sure if my parents loved me or not. How messed up is that? When I started to talk about it with safe people (including my parents, eventually) I started to get external validation from them. The internal validation (and motivation) grew from that. I said to myself, “Well, all these people love me, so I must be worthy of love. I’m lying if I keep saying ‘I’m unloveable.’”

@Awhite24 Here is our video response to your topic. I hope it’s encouraging to you! Hold Fast



Thank you for your post, in part because it brought me an immense sense of reassurance that I am not the only one struggling with depression and type 1 diabetes at the same time. I understand how overwhelming it feels to have to fight for physical life when some days you can’t even seem to fight for the energy to open your eyes in the morning. I have been through divorce, and it brought many of the same emotions you spoke of. Balancing depression, loss, and diabetes all at once sometimes feels impossible. It is my prayer that you find the courage, with the help of us, your community, to keep pushing and keep fighting until some of those symptoms begin to subside. I have to remind myself sometimes that there are days that do feel better, even when I am going through a really rough period. However, those days won’t matter so much if my physical health has declined due to my lack of blood sugar control. It doesn’t seem fair to have to try so much harder than most people just to be alive, but you are so much stronger than most people will ever realize as a result of it. Hold fast, and don’t give up. You have my full support.

All the love

I just wanted to say thank you all for your support and kind words! I’ve been doing better I took down all of the pictures of me and my girl so I can’t stare at them anymore and that’s been helping there’s just so many memories in the house that I’m still going to have to learn to deal with. But the biggest help was that I went and saw my niece the other day when I was feeling really really down and she’s only 1 year and 4 months old and she’s the sweetest little thing ever I walked into my sisters house and she ran right up to me and wanted me to hold her all night and she kept giving me the biggest slobberiest kisses and she just made my heart so happy. We just hung out on the couch and watched her favorite tv show while she relaxed and drank her bottle while gettin ready to go to bed and that reminded me that I have so much to love for still and that I can work through this and with the help of all of you and a few close people I know I can talk to I’m going to do my best to make sure my niece grows up with an uncle. So thank you everyone and thank you for the live talk that was amazing. Love all of you!

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@Awhite24, the world will always belong to you, and you can do whatever you want. I promise you, it will NOT last forever. Just tell yourself, it’s just another night. Talk to someone and open up. It’s okay to fall down, and your demons do not define you. You feel upset because it matters, and that means you are not heartless. We all lose interest in life at some point. But you don’t let life keep its chains on you. You are strong and honest, and sometimes it’s hard to be honest. Look into yourself. You can be something more. Hate has to be built upon something, and you are human. You are strong.
We are here for you
Hold fast