I’m trying so hard

I have made it 103 days without a drop of alcohol I’m still struggling I carry so much with me it hurts I still feel guilty for things that that has happend years ago I just don’t wanna hurt anymore my best friend of 21 years him and his girlfriend split up and I lived with them for 3 years it’s the closest thing I’ve had to a real home since my mother died in a house fire my hearts hurting so bad for them I wish I could had done something my life has been in shambles since April 2017 im a survivor but this time of year hurts in February my mom has been gone 10 years I lost her in a house fire pushing on is becoming more and more difficult

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congrats on 103 days sober! think about the good time and stop focusin on the bad, this almost always helps, so it should be a good way for you to get threw it. focus on get threw the day and once every 4-5 hours, name 5 things you find cute, 4 things that make you happy/smile 3 people you were happy to see that day, give at least 2 hugs and give at least 1 complimeant. this is how i get threw tough times, and i thought it might help you.

Hi friend.
I’m so sorry about your mom. You are allowed to feel and to grieve and cry as much as you can. It’s okay to hurt. Through this pain, try and find beauty around you. I understand that it’s difficult but I would encourage you to reach out to God. (Hes helped me so much through the hardest of moments). But also to a trusted friend. Be there for your best friend through his process and don’t be afraid to reach out to him or someone else. Friend, i’ll be praying for you. You’re hear for a reason. Don’t give up, keep going, you’re doing great. Every forward step you take, the stronger you become.

Man, crazy that you’re simultaneously doing well and feeling like you’re carrying so much weight and don’t know how to keep on going…you’ve taken away the coping mechanism you used to turn to in order to numb out and escape life, and now you’re having to face all this pain and don’t know what to do with it…your friends are hurting, the memory of your mom is eating at you, and you have a lot of regret from the past still lingering and haunting you right now, and you just don’t know what to do with it…feels like every day that passes things get harder to ignore and harder to carry and harder to press on.

Hey @Jessman87 - Congratulations on making it 103 without alcohol! That’s something to be celebrated and you should be proud of yourself! Addiction is a battle, but the longer you go without it, the easier it is to say no. You’ve been through a lot and my deepest sympathies go out to you. I promise you that it’ll get better. Keep pushing on! You got this.