Back to heartsupport

I made my boyfriend change his plans for New year's eve and now i feel bad

So me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 months at this point.
I told him a while ago that it would be nice if we could spend Christmas and new year’s eve together and he said that would be nice. He actually invited me a while back to spending Christmas at his family and it made me really happy.
Today we were visiting my sister for her birthday and she asked us if we already made plans for New years eve, just smalltalk. We said no and afterwards I told my boyfriend that i would like to spend new year’s eve with him and he said that he wants to spend it with a friend of his.
That made me upset and i told him so. There are a few days in a year where I would rather spend them with my SO and not with a friend and new year’s eve is one of those.
I also asked him why I couldn’t tag along and he said that it wouldn’t feel right since I don’t know any of them which also irks me a little, i haven’t really met any of his friends.

All of this made me really upset and i was on the urge of crying because of it. The discussion went on for a bit and he decided that he would spend new year’s eve with me if I want it so badly. He’s also gonna ask his friend if it’s ok if I tag along and if not he’s gonna spend it with me alone. It made me happy that he decided that.

At the same time though i feel pretty bad about the whole situation. I don’t want to force him to spend time with me and it kinda feels as if I’m doing that. I actually told him so and he said that me feeling bad about it is not something he can help me with.

The other friends of his who are hosting a house party also take their girlfriends with them so it’s not like it’s out of the ordinary.

Am i making too much of a fuss about it? Is it bad that i want to spend time with him on a day that is special to me?


Hi @kira

Of course it’s not bad, but you have to respect what he wants too. He asked you to spend Christmas with him and his family. That’s a BIG deal and I think that right there is more important than meeting his friends. If it was me, I would let him do what he wants and let him introduce you to his friends when he’s ready. It kind of feels like he isn’t yet, but he doesn’t want to loose you either.


You are allowed to have wishes for how you’d like to spend those special days, as he has that right to. It’s good that you both had a discussion about it. I would just make a tiny mention that you do have to make sure that you are allowing him the space to enjoy himself as an individual as well, and not only as your SO.

And it is a fairly new relationship with both of you still learning and interacting with other important persons in each other’s lives. That’s a super exciting times, and you do have to mindful of these moments and ensure that you aren’t guilting him into spending time with you alone.

He listened and then he made a choice. I would hope that if he expresses a wish to do something that was important to him as well, you would listen and then make a decision. J

It’s great that you were feeling confident enough to express how you felt to him and he listened to you. That’s a really positive sign.


It’s just, we are barely spending time with each other as it already is. I respect that he needs a lot of time for himself and he also spends a lot of his time with his friends.
I will either be spending new year’s eve alone or I’ll be spending it with him. All of my friends abandoned me because I came out to them as a trans woman.
The whole situation is upsetting to me because he already has so much time for himself. I really don’t spend much time with him and I always respect his wishes. I did express my wish to him, that it would be wonderful to me if we get to spend new years eve together and he always said that he also thinks it would be wonderful, then all of a sudden, after saying that I want to spend time with him on that day he said that he wants to do it as last year and that it doesn’t involve me.

1 Like