I messed it all up

My mom just got diagnosed with lupus, yet every single day my dad’s been making her feel horrible, and not talking to her at all. So last night, when he did it again, I was so tired of his bullying I just went out and said “Hey, can you not make mom feel bad, because it doesn’t make you look so good.” Harsh, but I meant it to be harsh.

Obviously, he was mad at me, but my mom was appreciative. And now, they’re fighting. My dad won’t talk to me, he’s mad at my mom, everything’s messed up and it was my fault. It was my fault because I said something about it. Because I was so tired of him taking all his mental shit out on us. Now everything’s ruined and it’s all because of me.

I hate living here but I can’t leave. I don’t have a job, I can’t even drive yet, where am I supposed to go? I can’t just leave. I don’t want to do this anymore.


Hey, I’m sorry to hear about your situation, it sounds tough! Just know it’s not your fault, you stood up for your mum and that was the right thing to do

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Hey there @TheRats
Im so sorry to hear about your Mums diagnosis. I am also sorry you feel so trapped but I can tell you one thing that is very important.

This is the reason there are problems in the home, not because you quite rightly spoke up and defended you Mum so it is not your fault there is fighting or that anything is ruined. I don’t know if its at all possible when things have calmed down to try and have a reasonable conversation with your dad about what happened and how its made you feel?
Please try not to take on responsibility for other peoples bad behavior. I hope things settle down a bit and life gets less stressful for you until you can set out on your own.
Much love
Lisa :heart:

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So sorry about your mom’s situation. HOWVER, YOU ARE NOT AT FAULT. A lot of abusive parents, when called out, will make it seem as if the kid who took a stand was the wrong party, and that they caused the situation. You protected your mom, and that is the most wonderful thing you could have done for her, especially when she’s not feeling her best.

I don’t know about your father’s motivation or if he’s always been abusive with his words/actions, and if he could be lashing out because he can’t cope with his own emotions, or it may be something else.

I just want you to know how truly truly proud I am of you. I know many cases in my country where the children stood up for their moms against their dads and it led to the same situation. I hope you and your mom make many more great memories. Make sure you are also taking care of yourself as well!


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