I messed up so bad

From noodlez2088: i don’t know how to say no and it’s no excuse for what i’ve done to two people but i messed up because i was dating my girlfriend and then someone i know asked if i wanted to date and i dont know how to say no and i led them on with empty promises breaking so many people’s hearts ruining many different relationships i gained screwing everything up and now all my suicidal thoughts are getting worse and it’s getting harder to cope with self harm it’s not working it’s lost the value it once had now im just numb.

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From muffinlovesmuffins: Hey <@1112809708651294762> . I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through. I know situations like these might be tough, and It’s important to remember that you’re not alone. Even though it might not seem like one, this is a common situation. Many people go through such stuff. You’re a nice person. You wanted to make both people happy, witch I get. You made the mistake of saying yes to one person, when you shoulde’ve said no. It’s understandable why you did that, and there’s no reason to worry about it. Hurting yourself will not fix the situation, or make it better. It’ll just get your girlfriend and family to be even more worried, making the already tough situation worse. My advice is to simply work on the relationships you currently have, and try to reject promises (don’t make them) that you know you can’t fulfill. Be honest. If you aren’t, it’ll come back to you in one way or another. You’ve got the potential. You can do this. You can improve your grades. You can do it. You just have to try. Develop techniques for studying & for talking to people. Find your limits. Whem you’ve got some free time, sit down and think about it. Tell yourself “if someone asks to date me, and I don’t want to date them, my limit is there”. Set your limit. Follow through with what you’ve done. If someone asks, say no, and provide adequate reasoning. As for the self harm, please don’t hurt yourself. As I previously mentioned, hurting yourself will only make things worse. If you find yourself having a hard time to cope with everything, try different techniques to stop yourself from doing self harm. One technique I find useful is the 3-3-3 technique. Name three things that are red, three that are blue, and three that are green. This will help you take your mind off things and hopefully relax. I wish you the best of luck with everything. Good luck Molly.

Hey Noodlez. Thanks so much for taking time to post here. This sounds like a heavy weight to have on your shoulders and I’m immensely glad that you reached out and said something. Often, that’s the hardest part.

You mention in your post being in a relationship and then saying yes to another relationship. And then it sounds like things spiraled out from there ending with broken hearts and an extraordinary guilt. Your feelings are absolutely valid.

Please know that people can make mistakes. It’s normal to mess up - it’s human. There is a stark difference in messing up and being a bad person. I don’t think you’re a bad person in the slightest.

When I was younger, i found myself in a similar situation; jumping into things quickly, saying yes, breaking hearts. The guilt that rushed in afterwards was overwhelming. Perhaps you’re mad at yourself, saying “why am I like this?” or “all i do is hurt people”. Maybe that is the source of the frustration and the pain and the self harm. I can imagine the flood of emotions and guilt and anger leading to the dark thoughts that you described. What you’re feeling matters. It does. It’s real and valid.

When I was younger, I found myself in a similar spot. What I know now, 16 years later, is that I was someone who just wanted to feel worth it. I wanted to feel wanted. Like I was special to someone. But it didn’t end at someone. I dated around, flirted when I was in relationships, etc. It hurt a lot of people and left me in a familiar pit of wallowing and self loathing. I didn’t know what was wrong with me, or why i was so driven by impulse. And why I made the same mistakes over and over again. I was too young to zoom out and see the cycle. So that pattern carried on for a long time. At no point did I realize that I was trying to fix myself, through people. That I was trying to fill the empty cup that was my self esteem, through their interactions or infatuations with me. And that it was only a recipe for disaster. Not until I was nearly 30 did I wake up to the reality of my patterns. And put in a lot of work to try and break deconstruct them.

This may or may not ring true for you. If it doesn’t, just know that we have been to the same place from different angles.

If it does ring true for you, perhaps this could be a point of reflection and examination.

People make mistakes my friend. Even through those mistakes, you are a person deserving of love; deserving of healing. I’m glad you’re still with us.

Please try your best to keep yourself safe. We care about you very much, mistakes and all, because those mistakes are a part of being human. And without them, we cannot learn and grow. And in that growth is something that I think is marvelous. I hope you see that too.

Drink some water and feed your body today my friend <3