I know it’s only been a few days, but I am missing Katie so badly. We spent most of our days texting and chatting, and I keep reaching for my phone to text her, only to remember that they are messages that will never even send. I got myself a journal to write in every time I reach for my phone, so I can write the things I want to tell her in there, and I write to her every night before bed, and I just cry every time I open the journal.
It hurts so much. I keep bouncing between blaming myself for not taking her call, or texting/calling her back on the day and refusing to believe it’s real.
I can’t accept that she’s gone.
It’s been more than a year since we had to put one my dogs down, and anyone who knows me, knows that those dogs are my world - I still, more than a year on, haven’t accepted that he’s no longer here. How am I supposed to even begin accepting that Katie is gone as well? Although I feel like generally, my mental health isn’t in a really bad place, every time I stop and have nothing to focus on, all the blaming and denial comes flooding back, and it triggers suicidal thoughts in myself, which, I know I won’t act on, but am struggling to handle when they surface…