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I Miss My Brother

People grow apart, so I am aware that it’s only natural, but my best friend in the world is so incredibly far away from me. It started when we got out of high school. We used to spend all day on the phone after school. After graduation, we had our calls, but didn’t talk on the phone as much, not like we did as kids. We would bounce ideas off of one another nonstop like we were playing wall ball or whatever. It’s hard to even get in touch with him anymore though, and I think that’s my fault.
I was the first in our circle to succumb to depression and recognize the incredible emptiness that comes from recognizing the more unfortunate aspects of consciousness and the world that we inhabit. I know that probably sounds a bit pretentious the way that I worded it, but I was really just sulking while they all had a great time and experienced the more fun aspects of life and friendship. I got so deeply entrenched within my loneliness that I wished to move across the entire continent, just to experience something new for myself. I got that wish of mine, and ultimately put myself in a situation I’m not quite sure how to deal with yet. I don’t think either of us will forget that day though… I had been planning it for a long time, and never told anybody. I showed up at his place to hang out one last time, and to inform him that I would be moving very far away, and that there was no way to stop me… that I had to do it.
It hurt us both, but I can’t get over how much it probably hurt him. Here I am now, and it’s basically the same as it always was for me, except now I feel as though I’ve abandoned my brother, and our friends, leaving them all for dead in their own struggles when I could have struggled right along with them. It would have been more or less the same, only we could at least visit once in a while.
We still talk and we have each other’s contact info… but I miss my brother, and I don’t know if I can ever really tell him how sorry I am that I hurt him so on that day.

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Hey @blast_hardcheese,

I’m so sorry you miss your friend so much. I had to make a similar decision about 6 or 7 years ago - moving to a different country to live with my partner and for the sake of my mental health. I moved away from the few friends I had at the moment, but especially from my sister, whom I was very close to until this moment. A couple of years before, she left our family home and I felt abandoned by her. But I learned to understand that she had to go, she had to live her own life, her own experiences, but also to be away from an environment that remained unhealthy for the most part. Somehow I did the same.

It’s hard to be away from the people you love. You just want to do life with them, hug them, catch up on the time you didn’t see each other. With covid, it doesn’t make things easier. But it sounds that this is about a genuine friendship and there’s a strong bond between you two. It may sound a little cheesy, but that kind of relationship can move mountains. Despite the struggles, despite the difficult decisions, despite the distance. Ultimately, when we love someone we want them to do what’s good for their health and their well-being. You had to go. You felt that urge to have a break, to live something different. It wasn’t a decision you made in a day either. It was well-thought and prepared.

It sounds that there is a real trust between you two - even though it might need to be a bit restored, through honesty, love and genuine care for each other. The decisions you made yesterday can’t be undone. And in this situation it’s probably never perfect anyway. But you can strill try to turn this experience into a strength for your friendship. Something that makes you grow stronger, maybe differently, but not necessarily apart. You obviously care a a lot, friend. I believe that, if one day you decide to talk to him, you’ll only speak with your heart. And that vulnerability and care that you are carrying are the best gifts you can share with the people you love. I’m rooting for you and I hope this situation will lead to some peace, healing and mutual understanding between you and your friend. :hrtlegolove:

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