I didnt know it was possible to hurt this bad. Its been two months now, she broke up with me after her birthday on the very last day of July.I dont blame her. Ive had a lot of time to self-reflect and realize I didnt treat her like a boyfriend should treat their girlfriend.
This was my first relationship that I consider to be massive. We did everything together, spend countless hours in each other’s company. And I took it all for granted. I forgot how to cherish her. Its been two months and our contact is spotty. Ill have days where I dont hit her up then I’ll cave in and decide to text her only for her to be hot and cold. I did act very irrationally during the breakup. Wont go into too many details but I feel like I pushed her away and made her feel anxious even more.
She’s been self-medicating a lot and I see it on her Snapchat stories. We had the same friend group but ive basically been alienated since theyre all roommates with her (college coed housing type). She texts me randomly at night when she’s drunk or just last Wednesday with a random Kanye lyric (I showed her a lot of kanye songs) only for her to come to my house and we spoke for two hours. She doesnt want to get back with me and yet, thats the only thing I desire right now. I must have read close to 20 articles about getting your ex back and I know I should do no contact but its so hard. I know I should keep improving myself but Jesus, why is it so hard.
Theres a lot more to the story than what ive said here. Lot of complicated dynamics and pain. Everyone says one day I’ll get over her and maybe I will, but the pain hurts today. And every day. I wanna stop thinking and talking to her so I can at least show her Ive changed. And I know thats redundant because, shouldnt i be changing for myself? And yet I love her so much I wanna show her im a better man
I feel you man, I’m going through the same thing. I’m been feeling this very intense pain, sadness, anger and somewhat hatred sometimes. We could always ask ourself what we did wrong.
It totally okay to love her still,and okay be hurt man. Just trying take care of yourself and it good that you went here.
I’ve been in the discord for a while and tonight just hurt a lot so I decided to check the forum out and see whats up. Im sorry youre going through this too. This is one of those pains that I wouldn’t wish on anyone
It sounds like you care about each other, but one or both of you realize there were problems in the relationship. Were you to get back together, the problems would persist, maybe even become worse.
“Self medicating,” suggests that rather than face and deal with problems, she’s choosing numbness and/or denial. That’s like starting off on a long trip in a vehicle that has a hole in it’s gas tank.
You also report that you didn’t treat her as well as you should. Why do you feel that texting her is “caving in?” Hearing that you care for her, but at least sometimes, you feel that communicating with her is “caving in,” suggests that you’re both “hot and cold,” especially considering that you feel as though you pushed her away.
It sounds like for the time being, that’s how it should be. I think you both need time to find emotional balance, and feel confident in your ability to communicate with each other without feeling a great deal of tension. It takes time for guys to develop the kind of sensitivity and attentiveness that women appreciate, and per your own words, you’re just realizing that’s something you need to work on. She needs to deal with whatever’s driving her to “self-medicate.”
The two of you may or may not be “in sync” enough that it’ll be possible to again be a couple, but regardless of that, I’m pretty sure you’ve both benefited from the experience you shared together.
Hello stillHereDawg,
welcome to Heart Support and thank you for reaching out to us.
Sorry to hear that you are being hurt.
Most of us can relate to a heartbreak, me too. Had a long term relationship, lasted 8 years. Was feeling
the same way after it, never though of getting over. but it will get better. either way you decide of how
it will go on.
You are doing good for vent here, we care and are here for you, remind yourself that please.
self medication is a way to deal with problems, talking bout it also. in the medication you “isolate” yourself
a bit from your toughts and let go for some time. the probs are still there, but a time it helps to calm down.
Stay in touch here, have a nice day and greetings my friend, feel hugged
I appreciate your insight a lot! I just wanted to clarify that, even though I miss her a ton, I dont think it would be wise for myself to get back with her at this very instant (if the opportunity presented itself) for the very reason you stated. I would want to be in a more mature place emotionally and life wise. Many of the reasons it went badly were because of poor financial and academic decisions i made that caused me to be depressed and stressed. She tried to help countless times for me to change, but with the problems i was facing, i dont think it would have been possible. ive been working on alot of my issues now and even though ive made progress, i still know deep inside that it is gonna take some time for me to feel that we could be together again. I do want to get back with her, but not if the same thing is going to happen