So, I’ve struggled with anxiety for years. Sometimes it’s not too bad, sometimes it’s really rough. Lately, things have been really rough. I can’t seem to summon the courage to leave my house for anything other than work. In the past, I’ve been able to push my physical self through the fears that overwhelm my mind.
Recently, I am struggling with social anxiety and the nervous feeling of “people looking at me.” Although logic tells me, “nobody is looking at you.” I still feel like anytime I step into a public space, I risk being SEEN. And I detest the vulnerable feeling.
Things I would have done within the past week IF I had an invisibility cloak:
-gone to the market
-talk with my landlord in person
-visit my local lake for a hike
-gone to the art supply store
-went for a long walk in my neighborhood
-use the communal laundry room
-enjoy time on my balcony
-etc.
Any tips for conquering the fear of being seen?
(I use headphones when I’m in crowded areas to calm the anxiety) But lately I’ve been experiencing fear of being PHYSICALLY seen.
You are not alone! I’ve struggled in a very similar way as you. I used to be soooo anxious about the gym and I was so worried that everyone was watching me even though, logically, they’re not, they’re working on their own routine. But I know what you mean about that feeling. I used to worry about going to the grocery store, going to a restaurant and even school. I would have to go to class extra early because if I got there not early enough there would be too many people there and that would make me anxious. I don’t think I’m truly over it or have conquered it, I still worry about the gym! Is there anyone you can talk to or anyone who can accompany you to go to these places? Also, therapy might be something to consider! Thank you for sharing this and thank you for being open!
@Lisa
Thank you for your reply. It’s helpful to know that others can relate.
I was in therapy a few years ago. I had an amazing, compassionate therapist. And group therapy really helped me open up and relate to others on a personal level; which really improved my comfortability level around people in general. Then I moved to a new city and never really looked into it again. (Which I probably should)
In regards to asking a friend to accompany me… I actually struggle seeing my friends when I’m feeling anxious too. Although i know they would accompany me if I was comfortable enough to ask.
Thanks again for your input!
-Eyeless
In all honesty, reading your post made me think a lot and I want to thank you for that. I recognize myself in what you describe - so much. I always talked about it as being just anxiety, without really trying to understand what’s the fear behind. But as you said: it’s about being physically seen (and heard…). There’s this deep feeling of being vulnerable that goes along with it.
Reading this made me reflect on many of the automatic anxious thoughts I have daily. And I understand even more why I was so drained when I was working, or why I need so much time to recharge after an appointment. If I’d make a top ten list of the most important fears for me, one of them is definitely: being late at an appointment (or a class, or anything), and as a consequence having to be seen by everyone when I enter in a room. When I was a student, at the end of an exam, we had to give our sheets at the desk of the teacher before leaving, which implied obviously to walk in front of everyone. Sometimes I would wait for so much more time than needed to actually leave - because there would be less people in the room. Not mentioning all the times I’ll take a different road to avoid walking next to someone.
Any tips for conquering the fear of being seen?
Just a few thoughts (hopefully it could help - sorry if not):
Headphones, as you mentioned, are so important. Super grateful that we can have access to these. It’s life saving.
Personally, the clothes I wear and how is my appearance definitely impacts how I feel. I’m not a very feminine woman, but I need to feel that my appearance is okay if I go outside, otherwise it adds more anxiety. I also need to wear comfy clothes. I’d say: if you have a stressful thing to do, chose comfort over prettiness (even though both things are not opposite - and except if being feminine is your comfort, of course! can work that way too!).
I think you can learn to practice exposing yourself during your free time, but in a progressive way. For example, in the list of tasks you mentioned, you can distinguish those in different categories, depending on 1/if the main purpose is stressful or not; 2/if the place is stressful to you or not. I guess, for example, that enjoying some time on your balcony could be more manageable at first than going to the art supply store. Just because there’s a difference between things you have to do, and things that are time you use to take care of yourself. Also because you’d be more or less close to the place you live.
Creating a walk routine, at the same hour every day. The repetition helps. It gives a sense of safety. I’m currently trying to do this… and I can see the difference through the days (also when I stop going outside, my anxiety gets all over the place). I don’t go really far from where I live, and I always do the exact same walk: the same place, almost the same time during the evening. It helps to create a sense of routine and safety while being outside. And having a sense of routine allows you to focus more on relaxing and being mindful, even when people see you.
As @Lisa suggested, therapy can only be recommended to work on that. Especially since it helped you in the past!
Do you have a hobby you really like and you could “export” outside? Focusing on something you enjoy while you’re outside can be a way to manage your anxious thoughts at the moment (sometimes, it’s even an opportunity to have random and lovely conversations with strangers ).
@Micro
I can completely relate to all of those scenarios as well!!.. (except the punctuality lol I’m horrible at arriving on time)
But yes, thank you for sharing your experiences with this problem. I do like your idea of a walking routine. Maybe walking at a particular time will provide some structure. It’s just a matter of getting myself out the front door. I do use headphones as much as possible, but sometimes that can be a safety hazard. And I definitely agree that my clothing really has an impact on my attitudes while being out. Sometimes I feel that jeans and a hoodie is acceptable; other times I don’t feel presentable unless I am well dressed, hair done, and a little make up. There have been many times I do not leave the house because I do not feel adequately dressed.
Thanks again for your input, friend.
-Eyeless
When I was a student, at the end of an exam, we had to give our sheets at the desk of the teacher before leaving, which implied obviously to walk in front of everyone. Sometimes I would wait for so much more time than needed to actually leave - because there would be less people in the room. Not mentioning all the times I’ll take a different road to avoid walking next to someone. 
).