I need help, feeling like a total failure

So, my wife and I have been having a lot of issues recently and to be honest, ive failed her. Ive failed her in every way. I don’t know what to do at this point.
I feel worthless to her. I believes she needs someone better than me. Everything seems to be my fault, and though i have taken responsibility of it, she just seems to always make me feel insignificant in certain aspects. Ever since we’ve been having martial issues and fights, i havent felt “in the mood” and even though we have our moments of intimacy, its never enough or i didnt do it right.
I feel very hopeless, useless and i just want to disappear for a while. I know im not good enough anymore and its starting to make me feel anxious. Ive never felt anxiety before like this, and im scared. Im scared im going to keep making things worse. I feel like i need to leave so she can move on and find someone better that wont have the issues like i do. We both have issues from our past relationships and it just seems to be spilling over now. Please help me.


Friend. You are being really hard on yourself. I know I don’t know the details of your marriage and relationship. But it still takes 2 people to make a relationship function. And it takes 2 people to heal and recover it when it is struggling. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You are not useless.

It’s good when you can recognize the faults you have made and take responsibility for your actions. But you don’t deserve to be degraded in bed or left feeling insignificant.

Often the case is, both have flaws that need to be worked on. While I don’t know what is going on, I have been in the strain of a marriage. It’s important to sit down and communicate what the issues are. And to decide if you want to fix them or not. But you have to decide together and be in it together if you want to fix it. Takes efforts from both parts. It wont work if only one person puts in effort.

Why do you say you aren’t good enough? What is it that has you saying that YOU have failed. You are putting a lot of blame on yourself. Why? Have you guys spoken about what the issues are? Have you spoken about what is causing the drift and strain?

I know sometimes it’s easy in relationships and friendships to just take the blame on ourselves and say that people are better off without us. But often is the case that our minds are telling us lies and telling us that we arent good enough. You hold value my friend. You are important. You both are.

I understand. I’ve been there. I truly hope that you can find healing and resolve in your situation one way or the other. Sending you a lot of love.

  • Kitty

Hi friend I am so sorry you are struggling. First as much as I would love to help I am not myself married I however am in a serious relationship with a partner we havent had the same things you are struggling with but I do know that at times we both feel we dont do enough. We both have been fighting to cope with that and know that it is okay to talk to each other about issues. I told my partner recently about something I was struggling with and he was quick to reply with I am so sorry and went into helping me as best he could. Sometimes what we feel they thing or will do isnt truly going to happen. My partner and I both have had horrible relationships in the past that have landed us in bad spots and honestly the best thing we have done is set up times where if we are struggling we just say a simple hey I am kind of down. Than the other knows something is up and it is not okay things. It is helpful to form good communication with a partner as well. I know it is easier said than done but deep down there is a reason you are together and that does not mean you should run away. Hold on too that. Fight for the relationship and try your best to be honest about how you are feeling. Intimacy comes in multiple forms and not just through sex and stuff it can come by truly knowing a person.

I hope some of that helps but all in all know I am here if you need.