I am absolutely disgusted with a cousin of mine right now. I am beyond disgusted, frustrated, confused, hurt. Honestly all the emotions. So, I woke up to a snapchat from a cousin of mine. He was asking what was up, how my morning was going, etc. Just small talk. It then proceeded to him saying he really liked a photo of me from years ago, and one of said photos happened to have a little bit of cleavage involved (not intentional, not that kind of person). They then said that he liked how big I was (referring to my chest, which makes me severely dysphoric because I am non-binary.)
Confused, I asked them to clarify what they meant in hopes they were either just joking or misspoke. They came back with "you know what I meant I felt absolutely broken and I still do. My PTSD from being sexually abused is coming back and I have since blocked him and let his sister, my other cousin know, but I don’t think I’ll ever forget this. I might need therapy after this.
Wow. That would be out of line even if he wasn’t your cousin. That’s really terrible. Can you go to either his parents or yours about it? I know when that stuff happens in families it gets really sensitive, but it’s still not right and I think it should still be dealt with so that you can reclaim some power over how you’re treated.
I’m sorry your cousin acted in this manner and I’m glad you blocked him. You did the right thing telling his sister and other than avoiding him IRL that’s all you can do for that part of things.
Is he aware of your identity?
I told my mother earlier, but his parents are not the most caring people in the world so that’s unfortunately out of the question.
He is 100% aware of my identity, and the thing is he’s always respected me for coming out. I just don’t know what’s come over him.
You can do a couple things here. First, if he has always been respectful and supportive there has to be something going on with him. You could just talk to him and ask him straight up why all of a sudden he is treating you like this. Was he high? Drinking? Struggling with his own identity? There could be a lot of different reasons that have nothing to do with you as a person.
Or, you can just remove him from your life and chalk it up to him just being an unsensitive perv.
Unfortunately, this is something that happens a lot in our society. It’s sucks s much.
Sage, you did the right thing indeed. Blocking him, informing his sister, reaching out here and to your mom. These are good reactions despite the shock and reminders of your own trauma. You’ve shown to yourself that despite that kind of trigger, you are still in control, and that’s really strong.
His comments were absolutely inappropriate on so many levels. I’m sorry that happened. You have the absolute right do what is fair and healthy to you from now on regarding the relationship with him.
Please know that we love you as you are. Your body, your gender, your name, what has been done to you, what has been said to you - none of this will ever interfere with the way we see you and care for you. You’re a human being. You have worth and value. It goes beyond anything else. His words don’t define you. It never will.
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