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Belongs to: Therapist Reacts to Freak on a Leash by Korn
I once created something that to proof myself that I can, my vision is open, I got more confident and have purpose of life knowing atleast what I love to do. Then I messed up, got humiliate, aggravated on my mistake, decline my apologise, judge me who I am , got rejected and kick out while I confused what the f is going on. Deep down I feel from what happened is unfair that I don’t have human right to fight back and explain, I don’t have skill to know right time and right place back then so I been naive on bully but put my anger on the one who care me instead. All I can do to ease my pain from past trauma is blame people back then it’s they fault. But another part of me still want to believe it’s not that person fault.
Idk, I confused with these feeling, is it’s a sign that I should forget about them because deep down Idk what intention why they be good to me or should I still believe that person all what happened is just misunderstood and hope that we can understand one day. But that day will never come since I can’t contract that person anymore, last conversation is a heavy right side, maybe I want to talk with them again with the difference perspective, apologise again and hearing that they receive my apologise. What ever the end is, so I can move forward without throw away my dream together with my past.
Thanks so much for being here.
It can be so hard to know what to do about the past. It can also feel like part of us is stuck there if we don’t do something about it.
One thing that helps me the most in these situations is asking myself if I have truly changed, and if my perspective is truly different. From there if the answer is yes, and I find myself wanting to apologize I strongly consider doing so but also realize that the other person’s answer could be accepting, or positive, or it could be something negative depending on their perspective and how they feel. If I can accept whatever result may come I will usually reach out, if I can’t I move forward knowing that I have changed for the better and it eases some of that pain I have internally.
But, I think that you have the best answer to that in yourself! Whatever you decide we are here to support you! Stay strong and great job coming to a better perspective regardless of what you choose to do with this.
I do hope that you will find some closure regarding what happened, whether it would be through honest communication with this person, or on your own. It sounds like this conflict felt like a real downfall on your end, and I can only imagine how difficult it was to feel all these conflicting emotions. If anything, it’s only human but to reject the fault on others, especially when we feel like we’re having no support or no room to make mistakes. Sometimes we fail, and it’s hard to look at that reality without feeling a huge sense of discomfort, which can sometimes turn out to be expressed through anger and pushing others away.
Through all of this, I hope you will also forgive yourself. I don’t know the specifics of your situation of course, but you absolutely deserve to give yourself some grace and be patient with yourself. I understand personally how painful it can be to carry on struggles of your past with you. As if there’s just on way to find any healing or closure regarding what happened - it keeps on chasing you like your own shadow, and you can’t run away from it either.
If anything, we believe in you here and in your ability to heal from what happened, step by step. It’s not a sudden process, but you’re asking the right questions and there is a real opportunity there for you to learn from what happened, heal, and reinvest into your dreams at the same time.
