Being away at school I constantly asked the most important person in my life to neglect her responsibilities and try harder to see me. I told her she wasn’t trying hard enough constantly. I say these things in moments of intense depression and loneliness and in the end she could no longer handle it. She might be gone forever. We love each other but I’ve hurt her too many times for her to believe i can change. I’m so ashamed at what I’ve done, I’m so sorry for the things that I’ve said. realizing all that I’ve thrown away after the fact is the most selfish thing I’ve ever done. I need to give her space but all i want to do is talk to her.
I would suggest refraining from taking to her and show her by your actions that you have changed as a person. Once she feels you have changed she might ask you to have a go at a relationship again.
if things don’t turn out like this you might have to love her enough to trust in her decision for herself and let her go.Hang in there things get better down the road and there many more women in the world so your chances are good in finding somebody else if she decides to move on.
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Hey @pat44q 
It’s so hard to admit it to ourselves when we’ve made mistakes, thank you being brave and sharing with us
I don’t want this to weigh heavily on you when you’re already going through so much. I really believe we can always make things better if we genuinely want to, and maybe there’s a way that you can show your friend that you’re sorry. If that means giving her the space she needs like @SonnJohn said, it’s really important that you respect that boundary.
It’s so important that we treat the people close to us with love and respect, especially when they’re trying to help us. It’s hard to remember things like this when we’re in a really dark place, but we must try. If your friend needs some distance, I want you to know that that doesn’t mean you have to deal with this alone. We’re here for you, and maybe we can help you to find someone in your life to support you when you need a person nearby
It was courageous of you to admit where you went wrong, and from here you can start to make things better. I really believe you can do it Good luck friend, I’m here if you want to talk more
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Hey @pat44q,
Sometimes people need to step back and things can still return to normal after that. You’ve been very brave to share and accept this mistake. It’s not everyone who will admit that kind of thing. It shows how much you care about doing things right for you and for her. So I hope you won’t beat yourself too much. Depression can make us say or do things we regret after. There are times when you don’t know how to express what’s going on in your mind. So there is some responsibility for this, but there are also particular circumstances that influence your emotions right now.
For the moment, and despite everything, you will need to focus on yourself. To get better at first, and depending on future circumstances, consider getting back in touch with her. I really like to emphasize what @SonnJohn said:
Once she feels you have changed she might ask you to have a go at a relationship again.
Hang on to that. It will give you tremendous energy to move forward. You’re trying your best to do things better and I absolutely have no doubt that you can do it.
Much Love. 