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Belongs to: BMTH - Can You Feel My Heart - Therapist Reacts
I really love your passion here!
I’ve been chronically depressed for 20 years. I’m currently in an upswing, but it’s only been a week or so since I lasted wanted to self-delete. Fantasizing about putting a gun to my head is my normal.
I’ve always really liked this song because it’s a banger, but I never realized how appropriate the lyrics are for how I feel most of the time. I wish more people had your level of enthusiasm. I’ve pretty much given up on therapy at this point. The “system” chews us up and spits us out. Either I’ll figure this out on my own, or I’ll stop the pain my own way.
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Also, just to add, no one can feel your heart. When you aren’t an easy fix, people discard you.
You think employers, coworkers, family, friends, have time for you to have an illness that can’t be cured? No. You’re just lazy, flakey. You perform like a normal person or you’re left behind. And people will talk about you behind your back anyway.
No one gives a fuck about what you’re going through.
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Hey there. Just for some context. I am 36 now, and have also been struggling with chronic depression, amongst a handful of other diagnosis’ under the tree of Borderline Personality Disorder. I think that therapy can be very hit and miss until you find a therapist who is actually suited to your needs, and your personality. It took me a long time to find THE guy for me, but he is THE guy for me. There may, or may not be someone who you find that you resonate this well with, but if there are options/people who you have yet to give a change too. I would suggest not writing off ALL therapy and therapists.
That being said I do strongly believe in something much more than I do therapy. That thing is peer support. You say no one can feel your heart, but there are people who also struggle, who have felt their version of your heart. It may not be exactly the same, but it is still a deeply painful desire to not exist. I think that perhaps employers/co-workers are not meant to have time for your illness. This is why things like the FMLA exist. To make it so employers have no choice but to allow an ill person leave. As for Family, and friends. I believe that true friends and family are going to want to know when you are struggling, and that all they would talk with each other is what they can do to help you succeed. Anyone who you share your struggles with, who does not care at all about your struggles, is not your friend or family. I have found that blood relations are not what makes family. I have found more family online then I could have ever imagined having found in real life.
The people who care the most, in my opinion, are going to be the people who survived similar circumstances and are now trying to thrive on top of those circumstances. Those people care because they want to see people who are going through what they went through, get through it also. You are right however in the fact that. It is likely true, that people who have not experienced what you are going through, will not have the slightest idea of how to understand/care about something they simply lack the ability to understand. There are people who don’t lack the ability/understanding towards you in the world. People who do care, if you do share. So I encourage you to continue sharing, and opening up about these feelings you are having. We at HeartSupport will continue to care, and continue to reply for as long as you are willing to share your experiences. Hope you can find a bit of relief sometime soon! <3
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Hi, Friend.
Just want you to know that I care. I can relate to what you’re saying… by the way I feel people may think about me, too. I mean, I often wonder if they think I’m just lazy and it’s interesting that you used the word “flakey” in your post because that is also one of the words that I don’t actually hear other people saying hardly ever, yet it is a word that I use to describe what other people think about me. I also think that when it comes to family, you have that connection here at HeartSupport. Thanks for sharing with us. I hope you will again whenever you want or need to. 
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