I really wish I had friends to talk to who I could be real with

HeartSupport Support
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Life has been really hard lately. I’m 30 years old, and both my parents are dead. I’m on my own (with the exception of a few friends a siblings). All in all, I’m doing ok. I’m taking some time off of work to deal with some personal issues so I have a lot of free time soon.

I don’t really feel like I “fit” anywhere in society. I’m a christian but I’m not preachy, and I’m a pretty big failure when it comes to what is considered “traditional” christian behavior. I don’t really know how to expand my friend circle, and frankly I don’t know how to open up to people. I have a lot of demons but I generally hide them well.

I wish I had a few people I could talk to and really get to know, even if it was just online. Ive tried the heartsupport discord but it seems like its mostly a MUCH younger crowd there and I’m 30 years old, I don’t really have the desire to hangout with teenagers (not to mention how inappropriate it is). I don’t really know how to meet people,even online, it seems like it was easier when I was younger.

Everything seems like it was easier when I was younger, despite the fact I know its not true. Still, socially everything seems harder. Most of my friends are partnering off, and that makes things more isolating. I don’t know what the purpose of this post is honestly. Maybe its just a cry for help, but I’m not even sure what that help would look like. All I know is I don’t want overly positive self help speak, I just want someone to be real.

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I’m a “recovering Catholic.” Regarding Christian behavior, I guess it has to do with which era of Christianity one considers traditional. If you’re talking about the traditional behaviors of the 50s and 60s, it’s a blessing you’ve separated yourself from them. Some of the earlier forms of Christianity were brutal and in fact quite evil. If the goal of religion is to become closer to the Divine, it’s essential to turn away from the dogma and focus on opening the heart to the Truth as you understand it.

I think the feeling of completely fitting into society is virtually nonexistent. It’s more like a collective agreement to act a certain way, regardless of inner feelings. However, there are a range of choices in how we interact with others which help determine which “group” is an adequate fit. I used to hang my head in embarrassment because I was such a misfit. Now I thank God that I am such a person. Being on the “outside” of the cliques has helped me observe and learn a lot. I also spent a great deal of time reading and learning while my peers were more worried about competing materialism, who to screw, how drunk to get, how to maintain appearances, etc.

Strangely, when I got around to accepting and becoming comfortable with the fact that I needed to be a self contained (no friends) person, others were drawn to me and found me to be interesting. I only spend time with a couple of people these days, and am content with being a bit reclusive.

Actually, there’s quite a diverse demographic here. It takes time to figure out who’s in what age range though. However, among those young folks, you’ll find some “old souls,” who are wise beyond their chronologic years. As far as hanging out with teenagers, I think it’s okay as long as the discussions remain wholesome. It’s also quite evident that young people can benefit from the ideas and experience an older person can share. Anyway, there are a lot of people who are older than you here, based on their reported experience. I don’t think age matters if you have something to contribute or are okay with being supported by younger people.

If you want, DM me if you want to talk further. I’m real!

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I relate deeply to your post. To be real and not too overly support minded I might have to give you some context about myself. Just for some context I’m 35 years old and I got into Mental Health Recovery when I was 27. I also struggle very intimately with the idea of sharing my CURRENT disparaging feelings with people. Fresh pain, especially to someone I am close to. Is so very hard for me to share. I do now though. Sometimes barely, and sometimes only when it REALLY Hurts, but I do.

I think that just by opening up and sharing in this moment. You are already taking your first steps into wanting to better manage how you feel. I had hidden some very deep and dark demons also. Heart Support was one of the first places I found my ability to share. Even if you share here, you are doing something very strong. Regardless of everything else.

I think searching for good online friends is a great idea. I am sorry that you have been having difficulty finding a good space to vibe in and meet people. I met most of my closest friends through online gaming. I am a huge gamer. Do you happen to have any online hobbies, such as gaming?

If you have Christian Beliefs, and would like your friend circle to value these beliefs, are there any large Churches around you that hold events?

This could possibly be a place to try to find friends. I don’t know for certain, it has been awhile, but should be some people there who are soft spoken Christians. I grew up in a Catholic Family, in a Catholic School, that had many events like this. They seemed less about religion and more about socializing to me, but I was also very young when I exposed to most of this stuff.

I’m in the HeartSupport discord. I have had trouble, until recently, managing any discord interactions other then the ones required for my work. Due to my Mental Health recovery taking precedent. That precedent has paid off though. I feel I’m at the strongest I’ve been, and If you ever want to @ me in the HS discord server, I will say hello if I am around.

Also, I would like to think that HeartSupport is becoming a bigger and bigger part of society, and to me personally, you fit in just fine here. :green_heart:. Hope you start to feel some relief! - Thrice

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From: charlotte_needs_coffee (Twitch)

i care about you. you are amazing and you matter. you ever want to hang out discord same name!

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From: some1shy (Twitch)

i am 41 and i care about you and i’d be your friend hit me up on discord i have the same username as the one i’m replying with

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I’m 42, so I definitely know there are some old fuddie duddies in the discord. I don’t have many friends outside of my wife and kids. You kind of hit an imaginary wall when it comes to making friends. It becomes a conscious task to put yourself out there. We are a fun community and will welcome you with open arms! :slight_smile:

Have you thought about volunteering somewhere that you are passionate about? That may give you a good stepping stone to make some friends that have a similar bond to you.

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Dan and Casey responded to your post today live on stream with some words of encouragement.

Here is a link to their video you can watch anytime you need some support!

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