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Belongs to: Therapist Reacts to Yen by Slipknot
I relate to this a lot I feel like if things are going too well then something’s not right that there has to be some kind of turmoil in order for things to feel comfortable because throughout my entire childhood I was surrounded by physical abuse drugs and alcohol
Well I hope things are going well for you now! Even if there is that uncertainty of whether or not it is okay for things to be going well. Thank you for sharing how you relate with us. I hope you are having a wonderful day today!
Hey friend,
Thanks for reaching out here. It’s so common for people who grow up with turmoil to feel a little bit discombobulated when things are going well. It feels like you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop, because that’s all you ever knew when you were growing up. Things being bad became familiar. So although you didn’t WANT those bad things to happen, it was what you were used to, so you became comfortable in the discomfort. And now when things are good it feels hard to trust that they would stay good, because they never have in the past.
Recognizing this about yourself is a HUGE step toward healing. Awareness is the first step toward change. I’m so sorry that you were surrounded by abuse and addiction as you were growing up, that’s not fair, and it’s not the environment any child deserves.It’s so scary to realize that you feel most comfortable in trauma and chaos. It sounds like you’ve gotten out of that environment and that shows a lot of positive momentum toward change.
I’m so proud of you for being able to recognize the ways that growing up in that environment impacts the way you experience the present. It’s really hard to come to this realization, and to have this awareness gives you more currency to use toward your healing.
Sending love
Thank you so much for sharing this here, friend. Somehow, this is particularly relatable to me, and it’s always comforting to know that someone out there gets it - even if I wish you didn’t experience any aversity as you grew up.
Somehow, there’s this feeling of finding comfort in chaos, right? It’s as if chaos and turmoil were your default state, and anything that transforms it feels odd, uncertain, like an unknown territory for your mind. Which makes sense when you think about it: as a child, you’ve learned to be familiar in a chaotic/adverse environment. It has built standards that you’ve learned to accept in order to survive. As an adult though, you have the possibility to be in different environment and experience different ways to be. It challenges what you’ve already known and have learned to be familiar with. It makes sense that, even now it’s difficult to take objectively good or healthy things/events/people as being suspicious and to be questioned. Too good to be real. But you are aware of this process, of this dichotomy within, of how the “good” seems labeled as “bad”, and the “bad” as good. If anything it makes completely sense to experience this contradiction given the environment you’ve known as a child.
The very fact that you are aware of this pattern at play is huge, and such a great sign of your own growth and resilience. X years ago you may have not been aware of this way to view things, at least maybe not with such an acute and detailed understanding. What was learned can be unlearned, and thankfully you haveand will keep having the possibility to reinvent yourself, away from the abuse you’ve known and suffered. I believe in you wholeheartedly, and I belive in your ability to learn to welcome good things in your life and embrace them without feeling too guilty, too weary of it either. You got this, friend. 