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Belongs to: Therapist Reacts to Slipknot Vermilion pt 2
I remember when this album was released, Vermilion pt1 and pt2 really stood out for me. At the time I was living with 2 friends - a guy I went to school with, and a girl who I did love at one point but we had grown apart. Even though we were living together, I didn’t see much of her because of my work hours, and i did miss her. One night I got home about 11 o’clock at night and a little while later I heard her leave the house. I had these two songs on repeat and I was thinking of how I missed spending time with her. She never came home. She took her own life that night. I still get a bit teary listening to these songs sometimes even 20 years on
My heart really sinks and I feel your words and those feelings so deeply. I lost someone I love deeply in the same way and somehow I believe they are in the earth around us and with us. We carry them in our hearts
Sending you love x
hey, thank you for opening up about your friend’s suicide and the feelings you hold about that night. i’m so sorry. please know that you aren’t alone and even after 20 years, grief has no set time length. thank you again for being here and sharing this difficult time in your life.
What a poignant story you share here. Music has such a powerful way of touching emotions and memories. I hope this music also helps to bring you some peace as well.
I hope the tears, however consequent or not, brought a little bit of rest to your heart, even if happens to be just by the possibillity to breathe a little more deeply. It’s heartbreaking to lose someone you loved in such a sudden, unexpected and brutal way. At one moment there is life that is shared, conversations, moments of joy and memories created. There is sound, there is life. Then the moment you learn about what happenes, it feels like a button has been pressed, as if reality couldn’t be trusted anymore. For it is too hard to compose with it, and too difficult to wrap our mind around the void that loss creates.
I’m sorry that this person took their life that night. I can’t begin to imagine the amount of pain they must have felt, and on your end, how much you certainly tried to rewrite the story in your mind - thinking of what could have been said or done differently to, maybe, change the narrative. It makes sense to still feel affected by it and get teary when you are reminded of her. Even through her absence, she keeps having a presence in your life, in your own story - she left a mark, one that was met with love and was highly meaningful for you. It’s hard to feel like two trajectories can be shifted away so brutally, to feel like opportunities of life have been lost, while dealing with the reality of being part of those who keep having the possibility to grow, laugh, live.
I hope that, through these 20 years you’ve been holding on to the truth that any sense of guilt you may have carried on your shoulders never belonged to you. That it’s okay to release that away from your heart and mind. Because it’s human to think about all the what if’s, it’s also okay to offer ourselves the kindness and grace we need at the same time, especially when we grieve. We can love, care, be loyal, and at the same time even the people closest to us can decide to not be seen despite being in front of our eyes. It’s an expression of pain, but not any individual’s fault. You have been a significant ally in her life.
