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Belongs to: Therapist gets Sober by Tool
I smoke entirely too moch reefer. Its 100 every two weeks. I dont even want anyone to calculate how much i spend yearly. I reallybwant to quit but im struggling with leaving an abusive relationship and it sooths me. I hope when i get over this breakup i can finally quit. For my daughters sake
Hey my friend.
Thanks so much for posting and for opening up about what you’re going through. You mentioned smoking a lot as a means of feeling better or more numb to the relationship that youre in. And that sounds so difficult.
I can imagine feeling trapped. And sort of scared. Because ending a relationship of that nature is SO much change. I could imagine asking a lot of hard questions and feeling so overwhelmed that I too would want to feel…soothed. Or more numb.
Are you safe? I think it’s important to ask whether you’re safe both physically and mentally.
While I’ve not been in a situation that is truly abusive, Ive been in relationships that I am too scared to leave. In some cases, I thought that maybe i was too unloveable. Or broken. Or that i was too much of a monster, because lets be honest - I had a large hand in the toxicity of those relationships.
Those feelings were often so overwhelming, but I didnt have the outlet to actually deal with the emotions outside of extraordinary disassociation and emotionally shutting down. Which made my relationship with myself, my friends (the few I had left) and my daughter so much harder.
I can’t advise on what the right or wrong move is for you - you have more knowledge than i do on the intimate details of the relationship. But I hope that make the choice that benefits you and your daughter best. I hope that things work out.
I know that it can be absolutely terrifying. But I also know that you are capable beyond your own imagination.
Please, dont hesitate to keep us updated my friend.
Hold fast.