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I spent 10 years in the Army Special Operations. I was the tip of the spear. Fighting for those who couldn’t fight for themselves. While I did great things I also took a lot of lives. I ended bloodlines. After getting out of the Army, I was just dropped. Friends and family could never understand the burden I carry on my shoulders from the things I’ve done and seen. And what’s worse is, all the love and support the country has for soldiers doesn’t transfer to veterans. I feel like a shadow of a man now. A ghost walking amongst the rest of the world. I’ve drowned myself in alcohol and other substances. I don’t understand why I gave my formidable years to serve the country I love so much only to be forgotten. Now I’m working in a dead end job that I hate just to get by. In a nutshell sometimes I wonder if I died if anyone would even notice I was gone. @HeartSupport
First and foremost, I’d like to start by saying thank you for your service. I very much appreciate you for putting yourself on the front lines to protect our country.
Feeling like a ghost and going through each day in the shadows sounds like an awful and terrifying place to be. I’m truly sorry that this is how you’re experiencing life after giving so much of yourself to what you believe in. It absolutely is not fair.
I’ve spoken to a few folks over the years that are or have been in the same position you are. Their stories were almost identical to what you shared from yours. Addiction and substance abuse feels like the only you/they have been able to keep moving on. Again, completely not fair.
All I can offer is to encourage you to maybe find a veteran’s support group where you can share your experiences to others brothers that are going through similar hardships and perhaps that will help you feel less alone in the world.
After reading your post I can tell you that at least with me, you will not be forgotten and that I see you. Please come back here if nothing else. We’re here to listen and care. Stay strong and thank you again.
Hey, first off, thank you so much for your service. It’s because of people who did sacrifice, people like me are able to walk freely among the streetlights. I hope every time you see a lit-up streetlight you realize you’re the light in someone’s life. And much like those delicately lit lights, it’s noticed when one goes out. So, please don’t take yours away. I can’t pretend to imagine the things you’ve seen. The burden must feel insurmountable, the other emotions, it’s a lot. I’m really glad you’re here though. This all sounds like prattle and ramble or like I’m pintresting quotes. It’s not the case. I was never a veteran. I was never as amazing as special operations.
Feeling like a ghost, an apparition, vapor - and forgotten - while working what feels like a dead-end job, your feelings are valid, that’s a lot of change. My brother suffers from substance abuse/misuse, that doesn’t define you or lessen your value. Sometimes the best drug is nature, and the stars. When things get too big it seems for me, I look up at them and realize there’s so much more. Just like there is for you.
Every place has a purpose and a reason, every day you get closer to finding a new joy and experience. Maybe you are where you are because you are meant to help those around you. Once you climb a mountain, you look back to the guys behind you to make sure they get up, too. You sound incredible, a special ops military vet?! Your story sounds amazing, you truly are a hero. There are so many who would love to hear your experiences, stories, and share your strength. I’d notice if you were gone, so now you for sure can’t go. Sending you all the biggest hugs, thank you for your service and sacrifice, you are not alone, and you are so loved.
Keep in touch, check back in on us, I’m invested now. I’m so proud of you. Always here to listen.
Thank you so much for your service! I’m so sorry that you are not getting the support you need, after coming home. It must be awful to have to carry such a burden. Know that your friends and family may never understand, but they will love you no matter what. I’m sure you are a shadow of what you used to be before, but I believe you can heal.
I also have turned to alcohol and drugs when I’m wanting to numb myself and its so hard to come back ,but its worth it. I had to start with making small improvements and grow from that.
Have you used the GI bill benefits? If not I would suggest looking into it as you can go back to school to get into a field that you are more happy with. There are a lot of colleges that have veteran programs that are made specifically to support people like you, and I have known people to find a great community to belong to, even after they graduate. Along with learning, colleges have so many resources for mental and physical health available to you.
I would also reach out to the VA and see if there might be some support groups around you, because I know you are not alone in this feeling.
Again thank you for your service, and yes people will notice if your gone. You are meant to be here, you are meant for more.
Hello,
While I have never been in your shoes, I can understand the feeling of “if I wasn’t here, would anyone even notice.” That is a thought that is fed from the depression that loss creates. After 10 years of service, there should be respect and acceptance of the sacrifices you have made. I am sorry that there isn’t more care and consideration given to veterans.
But I also want you to know that you are important. There is a need for someone to be the tip of the spear and to do what others cannot, especially for our freedoms to remain intact. For that I thank you and grieve the things you had to do along with you.
I also want to share something that my favorite author once wrote, C. S. Lewis, “If you don’t like the way the book is going, write the next chapter differently.” We don’t have to stay in the shell we feel like we are in, but like Taylor said we also don’t break free from that shell without some hard hits and maybe so smaller victories first.
I hope that you do find comfort in the life you have now and where that life is leading you.
Thank you again,
Jason