Hey there!
First off I just want to say thank you for being open with us here. We appreciate it and don’t take it for granted. I believe sharing how you feel and what you have been through can help others feel less alone.
I know these feelings all too well. For such a long time, I feel as though I have attached my worth to my job. For a long time, I believed I could never do anything right, I was bound to fail at everything. It got to a point where I even basically quit my job because I made one mistake. Sometimes it becomes overwhelming with the negative thoughts of not doing enough or not being enough.
At work I would have absolute mental breakdowns where I was crying, and wanting to die, because I felt as though I was not doing good enough, or I thought that I had failed in some way.
I have come to learn that 99% of mistakes I make can be fixed. Another thing I try to remind myself is, did anyone tell you these things? Or is it just me telling myself these things? Sometimes our minds like t play tricks on us.
I have come to learn that many people appreciate what I do at my job, and kind of rely on me. I have learned that when I am not there, things don’t go as smoothly. It feels nice to know this, it helps me feel like I have importance, or I have a purpose at work.
In the beginning I thought that i was too stupid or slow to have this job, but that once again has been proven wrong over time.
Our brains like to make us feel unworthy, or not good enough at times. I am sure there is an underlying cause, but I am unsure in this moment. I think most of the time, we end up psyching ourselves out.
I am sure that what you do is appreciated, and I am sure that people value what you do.
When I get these negative thoughts I try to take a step back for a moment. I try to ground myself, acknowledge what I am feeling and or thinking, and I will sit in that feeling for a short moment. From there, I will take a step back and look at everything as a whole. This is something my mom taught me as a kid, but I have not come to accept the assistance of it until now.
At work, I can get overwhelmed with things that I cannot control. Something I learned last week was to make a list of things I can control, and this I can’t control. For instance, I can’t control how people react, but I can control how I react. I think in the moment this can be helpful. Sometimes i find it helpful to sit in those thoughts and feelings, and acknowledge them. What started it? Why do I feel like this?
I just want you to know you are not alone in this. I appreciate you sharing, as I also feel less alone now.
With love,
Lys