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Belongs to: Therapist reacts to Left Behind by Slipknot
I suffer from depression, schizoaffective disorder, anxiety… and as of three years ago developed ptsd when I woke to a crashing sound throughout the house. My father fell through a desk in the living room and I rushed in there in time to watch him slip away before the EMT’s arrived. Natural causes. I didn’t get along with the guy. Barely knew him as a person. But I was left behind more worse for ware. There was anger, grief… and there still is. I hold grudges for all my memories and never learned how to let go. I can still see it happen constantly. HeartSupport
Hi there. Thank you so much for reaching out. You are heard. Everything that you’re feeling is valid. Losing a parent is so hard, regardless of the situation. Please know that you are loved and respected. These things can take time, please be patient and love yourself. We’re here for you. And we always will be.
PS this is such a powerful song. I hope you find some solace in this art.
Much love
Thanks for the comment. Music is such a great way to get in touch with yourself. To feel all that is understandable, actually. Be patient with yourself. Heart Support is here if you need.
hey friend, thank you for your vulnerability. please know that grief has no timeline or blueprint as to how it comes out. allow yourself to feel everything, give yourself the permission to cry when you need to, release your anger in a healthy way, and embrace the stages of grief in order to take your steps forward in processing this pain. you were there to witness such an impactful trauma and my biggest hope is that you can find peace through the grieving process. your anger, grudges, and so on… all of it is so valid. you are valid and i believe in you to do all you can to process this grief fully. you got this, my friend.
I’m so very sorry for your loss friend. It must have been so incredibly shocking and brutal to lose your dad in such a way, even if you were not particularly close to each other. Being there during his last moments and facing this unexpectedly is a heavy experience. You were not prepared - you couldn’t be -, and it’s absolutely understandable that it has left you in a state of horror and shock. I can only imagine how scary and lonely it was for you to wait for the emergency services.
What you have been through was a traumatic experience. After it it’s like a part of our mind and body remains stuck in that very moment, forcing us to re-live it over and over whenever something activates the memories or the emotions we felt at the time. I struggle with complex ptsd myself, and there are times when the acute memories/flashback surely activate a lot of raw emotions too. The fear that was felt, the confusion when everything was happening too fast, the sadness over the losses, the frustration for feeling in pain all over again… it’s a hard place to be in.
I don’t know if you receive any professional support for this, but if not - and if it is available for you -, I would surely encourage you to consider it, just because it can help your mind to process what happen, and to progressively replace the memories where they belong. You’re doing the right thing by talking about it here and opening up about the way it makes you feel. The process towards healing and feeling some king of closure may seem slow and feel frustrating most of the time. Although you are here today, you are naming what happened and are able to talk about it, which is in itself a huge step and manifestation of your growth/healing. One step at a time, always. I believe in you wholeheartedly.
I’m sorry for your loss. It must have hard for you. I can totally relate to your situation. I remembered I didn’t get along with my dad’s grandfather. Some reason when he died from a fall. It made me feel depress & angry. Everyone is different when it comes to moved on from the past. There is no rush to heal from PTSD, take your time. I also suffered with PTSD for 10 years and I told myself it was time to let go. My grandfather wouldn’t be happy right now, if he saw how depressed I am. People kind of underestimate PTSD even if you moved on from the past. Sometimes the memories still showed up once in a while. I try to remind myself to think of something else. I hope you are able to heal & free someday from those memories.
