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Belongs to: Lacey Sturm ft Lindsey Stirling - Breathe With Me - Therapist Reacts
I tend not to trust anyone because in my negative lens it feels like people either hate me or that they have ulterior motives.
I felt that way for much of my growing up years. Sadly, quite often, my perceptions were accurate. I was very sensitive and reactive, therefore my peers just loved to tease me so they could watch me get upset. I didn’t feel hated so much as totally disrespected. It’s also true that sometimes I would be approached in a friendly way, then taking advantage of.
I never felt genuinely cared about in my family. Later, I came to realize that one of my brothers did care, but I was so messed up emotionally that I was unable to understand that. I was 20 years old before I came to realize that there was such a thing as genuine sincerity and compassion.
Long story short, my lens was very negative for 20 years until I discovered that there was in fact genuinely decent people who didn’t have hidden agendas or ulterior motives. Having finally grasped that reality, I was more able to discern between descent and honest people and those who were not.
It’s very wise to understand as you do, that your perceptions are filtered by a negative lens. That indicates a growing awareness that there is more to life than the negativity that you are perceiving. It might be good to reevaluate how you perceive those around you. There may well be some who have negative feelings towards you or have an agenda with you. However, because of your long timelines of negativity, there’s a very good chance that you have overlooked at least a few good people or have judged them unfairly because of that negative lens.
I think every human has in imperfect lens through which they see the world. Therefore, it’s always good to challenge our own perceptions. That’s not to suggest that you need to live with self-doubt. Instead it means you have actually evaluated the evidence to the best of your ability before assigning something or someone with a positive or negative perception. Of course everybody is a mixture of positive and negative. Also, negative people are known to do positive things and vice versa.
Anyway, be open to the possibility of meeting genuinely decent people. Consider that something else is going on during those times that you feel that someone is hating you. There might be other reasons for it to seem that way, for example if a person is feeling shy or awkward, it may feel as though they are rejecting you when instead, like you, they are perceiving people through a negative lens, or they simply have a hard time meeting new people.
Yea, it’s hard to connect with others and move beyond this kind of perception/narrative that keeps running in our mind almost constantly. It feels like you just can’t trust anyone because no matter how hard you would try you would only end up being hurt or disappointed. It’s about setting an intention on someone else - an intention they may not have, but feels very real on your end. It makes sense to have a hard time with trusting others when you live with a fear of being hurt. We can’t control others, we can’t predict what they would do or say, and somehow trusting someone is offering them something they could turn against us. It’s taking a risk that feels very real. I surely walk with you on this journey - it’s a real challenge to put this voice away and to embrace the moment we share with someone. Something very strong in this, is that you are aware of it, of how it’s affecting you and your relationships. When we live in our mind with this kind of scenario, bringing perspective to the table is fundamental. Then it takes time, surely, to rebuild that trust within ourselves. But at the very least, you are not letting it take over absolutely everything. You also know how to acknowledge it, observe it and see how it can affect you. I wish with all my heart that, little by little, you will give yourself all the time and care needed to rebuild confidence within. Even though you may not be able to control someone’s reaction or thoughts towards you, you can absolutely grow in learning to be confident with who you are - regardless of what others may think of you. <3