I’m someone’s mistress and it’s not the first time. Well the first time he lied about being in a relationship, but this time it was all honesty from the beginning. Every time I develop a crush, he ends up being a taken man. I don’t know if it’s just bad luck or somehow my sub conscious knows. What I’m pursuing now is purely sexual…but he also treats me better than how any other man has treated me. He’s also moving halfway across the country in a couple months so I guess it felt safe? I know I’m a horrible person. Maybe I’m just afraid of commitment and I can be myself around these men because if they don’t really like who I am, no loss right? I’m also bipolar and know it’s not easy for people to deal with. When they know i’m crazy, they don’t have to deal with it. It keeps everyone safe.
I have fallen in love before…with the first man who I originally didn’t know had a woman. I was so devoted and didn’t look at any other men; so I know for a fact I can be good to a man. The man I’m seeing now says he feels like a king when I see him…he also takes care of me and I honestly feel valued. He asks me how I feel all the time and checks in on me…holds me when I’m sad or anxious. There’s honesty. He even tells me it’s his decision to cheat, that he knows it’s shitty and that he’s selfish… and has done it before. Not that it makes it okay, but I guess it’s good that he recognizes it.
I am afraid of the karma that will come back to me. Perhaps I will never become a wife and always be a mistress. Perhaps I’ll wed and the man I marry will cheat on me just as I been with men who cheat. I know I’m a bad woman and when it comes to men, I know I’m disrespecting myself and someone else. It’s hard to believe a man will just want me. I have also been cheated on when it comes to being the only woman for a man. I want to believe I can fall in love with someone who only wants me…but I’m losing hope over time. I know this is just self pity… and I certainly don’t need to be scolded…I know what I’m doing is wrong. For a majority of the year I told myself to stay away from men…I did…I worked on myself. This man just happened out of the blue and I let myself lose control of my feelings and intense desire that has built up over the months. I am afraid. I am disappointed in myself. I’m also an adult who is responsible for my feelings and choices.
Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us.
You’re not crazy, I promise. Having a mood altering disorder doesn’t make you crazy. I know it might affect you and the people around you. Have you got support with that?
You are right in saying you don’t need to be scolded, we are not here to judge you, but to listen and support how we can.
You do deserve love, I promise you.
I imagine you have a lot of thoughts floating around and all the what ifs, but what if you find someone who loves you for you and treats you right and you both are solely there for each other. I hate that you feel like karma is going to find you. You do deserve to be held and cared for when you’re feeling anxious and sad, hopefully with someone who can use their full time and energy doing so.
You have been seen and heard, and you hold so much value. Thank you for being so brave to share your heart
From: ᏒᎧᏕᎥᏋ
Hello Friend, welcome back. I hope that you will some day realize that you are worthy of having a healthy relationship. ~Mystrose
From: Lisalovesfeathers
Hi, Thank you for your post, It sounds like you have never been able to find that special person that is yours and yours alone and everyone deserves that, I hope that one day you find that. I personally do not believe that Karma exists so in my opinion I dont thnk you have anything to worry about. I wish you the best. Lisa. x
From: twixremix
hi rosethorn,
thank you for posting here and knowing this forum is always here to support and love you. your self-awareness on the situation with this new man shows that you know the places to grow which is a huge step. i personally agree with you that those who cheat will repeat that cycle. so while you find comfort in these available men, you know this isn’t what you need.
my hope here is that you do find the love you deserve as well as the care and tenderness you need. you deserve that, a 100% unconditional love that mirrors the love you give your partner. you deserve someone that you can be yourself around, someone you’re comfortable with in every aspect. you’ve got so much love to give, rose, and i hope that one day you feel that being given right back to you, making you feel whole and good. as someone who recognizes the pain you’re going through and the feelings you’re experiencing, that is my wish for you. and i believe fully that you can find that. i really do. so please, keep your heartsupport fam updated on how things are going for you and what we can support/encourage you on. you are heard, you are seen, and you are loved. i’m rooting for you and your happiness, my friend!
love,
twix
Hey Rosethorn,
So, let’s just get right to it.
You are worth more than being the other woman. Period. Full stop.
Tough love: Stop choosing to be that.
It can be hard to accept that you are a valid, loving person. That you are worth the happiness that you desire. That compromising your actual wants is NOT OK, because you feel like what you want is too much. You are worth every single ounce of happiness that you dream of.
Read that again.
Stop lowering yourself to the other woman. And stop choosing men that decide that cheating is how they get their kicks. He is just using you to feed his ego, and feed the emptiness in him. He is choosing to hurt others.
YOU ARE WORTH BEING THE MAIN CHARACTER. The main woman. The wife. Worth being loved for who you are. No excuses. Embrace that.
“You can be the most beautiful person in the world and everybody sees light and rainbows when they look at you, but if you yourself don’t know it, all of that doesn’t even matter. Every second that you spend on doubting your worth, every moment that you use to criticize yourself; is a second of your life wasted, is a moment of your life thrown away. It’s not like you have forever, so don’t waste any of your seconds, don’t throw even one of your moments away.”
- C. JoyBell C.
Hello there,
I wanted to start off with that quote because you need to read it first. You have to take care of yourself and take account of your importance. When I was in college, I met this man and he made me so happy, safe, and wanted. After a few months of being together, I found out he had a wife and kids. You know what? I left. Not because I didn’t care for him, I did. But something was more important than my feelings. My self-worth and my conscience. I could not do that to his wife and kids. He begged me to stay and told me that he could work it out. But, I said NO. He comes around every now and then and asks for me back because he is now divorced. I finally took the time to tell him that I wasn’t a plaything, I wasn’t second place…I deserved better than the nonsense he fed me every day. And you know what? You deserved so much more. He isn’t worth it.
I am sitting here writing this as a single woman, with no kids, and a sassy polydactyl cat. Am I lonely at times? Yes! But, it is soooo much better than that life. I truly hope that you find peace with yourself and find joy and love like you truly deserve. It might be difficult to see the sunshine through the trees, but you can get to that point. I believe that. I believe in you. I know this might sound like tough love, but honey…you deserve so much more. You ARE wonderful. You ARE valid. You ARE amazing. You ARE enough. You ARE strong. YOU MATTER! 
-StarFox
From: Mamadien
Rosethorn, I’m glad you felt safe enough here to post about what is happening in your life. The very first thing I would like to tell you is that you are worth far more than you realize. You are deserving of love, honesty and loyalty in the truest sense of each of these words. You deserve a relationship with someone who will love you for you, and only you. As this man moves off across the country with his wife and family, please take some time to get to know you again. Give yourself some care and concern. Think about why you choose to be in relationships that lack commitment because that seems to be a big piece of things for you. Again, you are worth more than what you have been letting yourself have in a relationship. Please don’t sell yourself short.
From: Rohini_868
hiRosethorn ,
It sounds like you’ve been through a lot, and that these relationships have brought you both moments of good and bad. Have you ever looked at the moments that preceed these decisions?
In the moments when you meet someone new, you get to make choices for yourself and how you interact, and I hope that in time, you will view yourself with all the love and compassion you deserve.
You aren’t a bad person, and you are worthy of being loved and respected first and foremost by yourself, and you deserve to be treated well in your relationships. It might take some work, and unlearning some patterns of behaviour you’ve been doing for a while, but you deserve that for yourself. You matter, and I hope you believe that, friend.
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