I just wanted to update those of you who have been keeping up with me and my story.
Anyways, my last therapy session was almost a week ago but I was on vacation from work and wanted to also keep my distance from the internet in general for the most part, and that was nice. Generally speaking, I think I did pretty well to not stress so much over the week but I had some health issues that made it a little less enjoyable than it probably could have been.
I realized at my last session that I really don’t give myself enough credit for making it through all of the hardships I’ve been through. I definitely very much live in the now, with the exception of making a budget plan to keep me on track to have a decent down payment for a house when my lease is up on my apartment. But since I don’t really take time to think about my past as much (at least consciously), the things I’ve been through take a back seat to the things I’m going through right now and I forget what I’m capable of. We decided I need to remind myself of what I’ve been through, and the strength I had to make it through those things, because they were arguably much more difficult than stuff I’m going through now.
After my session I continued to reflect (I am bad about overthinking stuff generally speaking.) and I realized that maybe the reason I stress so much over work and not doing enough is that I place a lot of my self worth into my work performance which is not healthy. I will be going over this in my next session.
While these things are not the easiest to sort through and make sense in my head (I know I have been through a lot but for whatever reason, my brain still needs convincing that I do a good job and I am good enough.), at least it’s someplace to start. I’m hoping that once I get to the root of why I place so much of my self worth in my job, hopefully that will help with the job stress. And as much as I would love to delve into that, I’m also trying to stop overthinking so much, so I’m trying to leave that alone until my next session.
Sorry I haven’t been around as much, but I felt that I needed a break from literally everything in my life. I hope you’ve all been able to preserve through these uncertain times, and best wishes to all of you.