I think I'm being stalked?

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I know, I know this isn’t exactly the best place to ask about this, but I genuinely can’t tell if I’m overreacting, or if something is actually happening. So I thought it would be better to talk about it here. Plus, it’s taking a toll on my mental health.

So, some background information. Back in february, I went to GSA. It was a fairly big meeting, as we were in the library checking out books with queer representation in them. I read one, it was pretty good. While we were there, there was someone who I hadn’t seen before. I think I sort of mistook curiosity for attraction, because for a while I thought I liked him, but I really didn’t. Let’s call this person H. H was pretty cool, but I was too scared to talk to him in person. So I did what anyone does in that situation and I messaged him.

He was nice at first, but then he started asking me weirdly personal questions. Questions about my trauma, my mental health, I mean he even asked me once if I self-harmed because I liked blood. It was just… very uncomfortable after a while. On top of that, he wouldn’t leave me alone in school. He came up to me at every possible instance. One time, I think he tried to replicate my tics? It was really mocking and I felt bad about it because I’m very insecure about my tics. They get in the way of every day life and he sort of just… mocked them.

So I ended up cutting him off. I blocked him, which… didn’t work because he then proceeded to email me, which I blocked him there too. At first I tried to avoid him, but he really couldn’t take a hint. I walked halfway around the school to avoid him and he looked for me. He asked if he could sit with me and my friends at lunch and I told him no. He said okay, but then he stood outside the doorway for a while. The doorway closest to the table I sat at. Now, he wasn’t like… watching me or anything, but he did periodically glance at me which was just uncomfortable.

I was done with it at that point, so I messaged him one last time, telling him that if he came up to me at school, or messaged me again, I would report him for harassment. I thought that did well enough, so I left it at that. I didn’t see him at all for a while and I was very relieved about it. Until two days ago when I saw him walking out of the school. GSA is on mondays, and he goes to GSA meetings, so he was walking out of a different door I was. And then he just… stared at me. The whole time he was walking out, he was watching me. I was honestly very scared.

It’s made me very paranoid. I told him what bus I went on because he asked, and if he truly wanted to, he could figure out where I live because of that. I’ve heard he keeps asking my friends about me. I don’t know what he’s asking I just know he’s asking about me. I wan’t him to stop. I don’t feel safe anymore. I can’t walk to my classes alone anymore, I can’t go to GSA anymore. I don’t want to be anywhere around him, but I don’t know what to do. The school isn’t going to do anything about someone just watching me, he’d have to actually do something for someone to care about it. I just… I’m scared, and I don’t know what to do.

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(All names are one letter for privacy)

So the other day, he sat with us at lunch. I was really upset that he was sitting there but I didn’t want to just tell him to go away, so I just sort of cried at one end of the table.

I talked to my friend J who talked to my other friend E about it (since she’s the one who let him sit there in the first place), and as it turns out, she’s uncomfortable with him too. He was apparently asking her sexual stuff that made her uncomfortable too, so we’re not going to be letting him sit at our table anymore because he’s been invasive and scares a lot of us.

The good news is that he’s also moving away soon, so I won’t have to deal with the stress of him anymore.

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Wow I’m so sorry you’ve had all this to deal with, it’s so incredibly scary, especially because obsessive behaviour towards a person can sometimes turn for the worst.
I’m so glad you had your friends supporting you! Sounds like you did already talk to the school and they weren’t at all responsive, and yet if anything happened and they got asked if they knew they’d probably throw back “it wasn’t on school property so there’s nothing we could do”.
It makes me so mad that people have to often get hurt before anyone will take action. Otherwise you have to take prevention orders out and it’s often an arduous process.
I’m so glad to hear he is moving away! Did he ever send messages that were not okay? Sometimes it’s good to keep written proof. You and your friends could even write down dates and incidents to hang onto for a little while even after the move. Of course sticking together- safety in numbers. Sometimes being loud about things is also safe “this person knows where I live” or “this person doesn’t need to be on this bus and is following me”.
Mostly I’m glad that things haven’t escalated for you to the point where any physical danger has happened to you or your friends! Let us know if he ends up staying away or if he tries to reach out once he’s moved!

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From: Lisalovesfeathers

Hi friend, thanks for posting, it sounds like a very awkward situation that you are going through here but thankfully one that will be solved very soon with this person moving away. Its very hard when you break with someone, and they can’t or don’t accept it along with you and then think if they hang around enough you will change your mind. But you did the right thing sending that message asking him to stop or you would report him for harassment. There is not much else you could do. I’m sorry that there was no one else you could go to. There should be some support there for you. I would say try to keep your distance, don’t initiate any contact and wait it out until he leaves. We are here is you need us and I hope it wont be too long until you have the peace you crave. Much love Lisa x

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From: eloquentpetrichor

Hey again, TheRats! This sounds like an uncomfortable situation you are in. And I’m sorry it is adding to the stress school is already putting on you.

Why do you think the school won’t do anything if he keeps trying to interact with you when you’ve asked him to stop? Or even just the fact he is making you uncomfortable. Especially if you and your friend both go to a teacher or the Principal or VP or guidance counselor and say that he is making you uncomfortable. At the very least they may call him to the office and have a talk with him. Of course you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to or feel comfortable doing and I can understand the desire to just try and ignore him until he moves away.

If you feel comfortable doing so I think my advice would be to ask your friend what she would like to do about him since she has had uncomfortable interactions as well. That way at the very least you both have support in whatever decision you choose.

I wish you luck in whatever you choose to do and I hope you update us if the situation with him changes for better or worse. Stay safe, friend :hrtlegolove:

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