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I think its back

Unmotivated to a 1 mo. Burst of energy, back to unmotivated. Now, I’m not sleeping or connecting with people.

The biggest thing about my major episode was I became a insomniac. I already messed up my sleep schedule, slowly making it worse. I can’t turn my brain off and sleep. Its already morning here and I have not slept 1 bit.

I don’t want to go through this again, it was hard enough surviving the first time. I know I can because I’ve done it before, but I’d rather not have to.

Also I have not even responding to some of the people I really need to respond to. The deep questions are just so time consuming and energy draining. Theres 1 person I wanted to respond to for 2mo. now, I just have not had the energy to type up. I even knew exactly what I wanted to say as I read the message. I really want to take the time to answer tho

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Hey @Xan,

I’m sorry to hear that you’re feeling this lack of energy and motivation. Those depressive cycles can be truly overwhelming. Yet it’s really good that you take some time to write this down. You’re aware of how those cycles manifest to you and the red flags you can already identify, such as insomnia.

About your sleep, is there something that happened to help you before? Could a doctor help you on this matter? Is there something that could be changed with your habits/the things you do before going to sleep? It could be a combination of different things: avoiding digital screens at least 30 minutes before going to sleep, taking a relaxing bath or shower, doing something relaxing such as reading or meditating…

Also I have not even responding to some of the people I really need to respond to. The deep questions are just so time consuming and energy draining. Theres 1 person I wanted to respond to for 2mo. now, I just have not had the energy to type up. I even knew exactly what I wanted to say as I read the message. I really want to take the time to answer tho

That’s understandable. Deep questions or conversations are draining. When I feel guilty for not responding to someone for a long time, I find it helpful to just send a very short message to express the fact that I think about them, but also that I’m not ready to have a long conversation yet. Sometimes even just a few words is better than no message at all, both for the people you interact with, and for yourself. In any case, it’s okay to do things at your own pace and let others know about it. Your well-being is also a priority. :hrtlegolove:

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Sad part is I’m taking so long to respond that some of them I really wanted to respond to are now locked. Yes I used to have insomnia and what fixed it was a trip to the mental hospital that caused all new traumas. I’m in the early stages so I’m hoping to fix everything without professional help. Most progress I have made has not been due to professional.

Sleep is messed up so bad due to a rotation of horrible sleep schedule changes. I was getting back on schedule and actually sleeping before the end of the night (midnight). then our dishwasher broke so staying up all night to wash stuff without people in the same room as me, controlling. Then September 1st hit :smiley::smiling_imp::ghost::slight_smile: :maple_leaf: :fallen_leaf: :leaves: :fallen_leaf::leaves:where now I watch Halloween movies shows way too late at night

Hi @Xan

Im really sorry you are suffering again and that you are not sleeping. It is not surprising that you are finding it difficult When you are feeling this way. Not being able to deal with the deep questions and not having energy for responding the way you want to is common when you’re struggling and takes what feels like way too much effort.
Don’t blame yourself for taking some time out and not being able to reply if you need some time to work on yourself.
I’m sorry you had a bad time and ended up in the hospital, I can understand you wanting to do it yourself this time but don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it.
It is upsetting that you’re Having to be up in the night washing dishes to avoid housemates control. It must be having a big effect on you. If you need to chat we’re here for you, don’t struggle alone.

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