I thought I was finally making a new friend

[wolflover]

So at the start of the spring semester I began my second try at math. I failed last semester because of family issues.

I end up sitting next to this girl and she passes me a note asking if we could be friends. I was so excited. I haven’t really had friends in years. I would eat my school lunches in the bathroom. I cry when I see my former friends on Facebook going out and doing things together without me. Ect.

Anyway, I was all like “Yes of course we can be friends!”. We got along pretty well and helped each other solve math equations. We even liked some of the same things which made me happy.

Anyway, she kept texting me. At first I felt like someone was actually interested in getting to know me and I was excited to get to know her. Until I started to feel like our conversations were just her getting towards something. Almost like she was putting in time.

I don’t know how I knew it was coming but it did. Last night we were joking about giving ourselves haircuts then all of a sudden she gets nervous and asks me about my sexuality. I tell her I don’t know really. Then she writes a long paragraph about how she thinks she’s bi but hasn’t “fully had sex” with a girl and that she asked her boyfriend (fiancé) if she could and he said it was okay. She told me she was physically attracted to me and that she wanted to tell me that for a while.

I know this didn’t just develop over time. We have only known each other for a few months. I’m pretty sure she only befriended me to ask to have bi-curious sex with me.

I let her down gently. I dont like ruining people’s day, but I feel used. I’m pretty hurt over it. She really only wanted me for sex and its dehumanizing. I can’t see myself being friends with her anymore.

[Maisnow]

Hi!
You know it isnt easy when someone you start to care or you already care try to use you or you feel like she is using you, is the worst of feeling.

I think that you should talk to her about how you are feeling about her and your friendship, maybe it wont be easy but I think that you both need to talk about that.

I understand that, when you dont have friends for a while and then someone appear and try to be friends with you, is normal to be excited but for the next time try not to put your hopes up and try to go slowly.

Take care

[Micro]

Hey @wolflover,

It’s okay to set the boundaries that you need. You’re not on the same page as her, and that’s okay. But I know it hurts to lose a friend, to feel like there was a lack of honesty somewhere, to question the intentions of someone while you are sincerely attached to them.

I don’t know if she only wanted you for that from the beginning, but know that this is not your fault. It is about how she perceives you and, at this moment, you can’t really do anything about it. It’s not about you as a person, and it’s nor your fault. Sometimes we just cross the road of people who don’t love us, or love us in a way that we can’t welcome. If you feel like there is something to do by communicating with her, then it could be worth it. But if you feel like you need to step aside and set some boundaries just like you did, it’s okay too. In this case, you’d have to let her go. It doesn’t delete the affection or the respect you have for her, only the possibility of a relationship with her.

I’m sorry that happened. Know that you are loved here. And I hope you will take the time you need to take care of yourself.