I thought my parents were more understanding

So my sister and I are both queer. And I’ve know my parents have been homophobic their entire lives, but I really thought they were getting better.
I was forced to come out when my parents found out about my self harm, When I came out I was asked for months if I was still gay or if I was over my phase yet. But my sister was in the closet for a lot longer than I was even though she’s older. But recently my parents found out about my sister and her girlfriend. When they asked her about it and when she confirmed their suspicions they flat out told her that she isn’t gay, and that this was a choice she was making. They said that they would keep praying for my sister and for a guy to come along and sweep her off her feet.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve changed my wallpaper’s on my phone to guys and I’m debating on taking some of the drawings of girls off my walls. It just seems like every time I think my parents are becoming more excepting something happens and honestly I’m kinda scared. I’m scared of being kicked out, or being sent to therapy just because I happen to be a girl who likes girls. I don’t know if I feel safe anymore…


Hey @Luca,

I’m really sorry to hear that your parents are not understanding at all. Loving girls is who you are. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Nothing. For what it’s worth, I’m super proud of you and your sister for being YOU despite the environment that your parents created. You know what’s right. Your heart is good.

I don’t know how is your relationship with your parents precisely, and the way I understand what you shared they are in denial and have strong beliefs, which makes communication difficult, if not impossible at the moment. The fact that you don’t feel 100% safe is a red flag to consider. Do you think it would be possible for you to see if there are LGBTQ+ groups or organizations in your living area? There is a chance that they could provide you useful resources to handle this situation, eventually find ways to communicate with your parents, or even have a place to go if you are kicked out.

You’re beautiful as you are. And I want to reiterate: there’s nothing wrong with you. Nothing to be ashamed of.



Hey @Luca,

My heart breaks as I read your post, especially as I’ve been going through a similar situation at home. I am queer and my parents found self-harm scars several years ago, and then coming out to them was a disaster, and I just came out to them again (as I have a girlfriend now), and I was on the verge of being kicked out. Please, please know that you are loved just as you are, and if there isn’t anyone around you who can tell you that, we are going to tell you that- again and again and again. You are beautiful and lovely just the way you are. :heart:

I am very glad you and your sister have each other for support during this time; that’s a comforting thought. Please lean on each other and please reach out for help locally if it is available. As @Micro said, local resources would be excellent to look into, and absolutely, not feeling 100% safe is a red flag. You do what you have to do to stay safe. I am also still living with my parents, as a result of the COVID and the difficult-to-find-a-job-now situation, so if you need any advice for “surviving” under their roof for the time being, please don’t hesitate to reach out. My family is also very religious, but I’ve been seeing what I think are tiny little changes from my mom that tell me the future might just be okay and I can still have a relationship with them. It’s going to be years of work I can tell, but please know that this hope exists for you too. You are not alone; you are loved; we are here to love on and support you and your sister.

Thank you so much for being vulnerable here, and sharing your heart with us. You are in my prayers (if that is alright with you) for peace, your parents’ understanding, courage, and love. We will be okay. You will be okay. Don’t give up. One step at a time. You should be incredibly proud regardless that you just freaking came out! That is no easy task, and you deserve to celebrate and BE celebrated your courage and for who you are. :purple_heart:

Sending all my love,


That is so hard… first of all, you don’t need your wallpaper to be boys or pictures of boys on your wall, an you don’t need to stop drawing girls just to seem straight. But then, you don’t have to seem straight. It seems like your parents love you but are also homophobic. Also, your sister is probably very understanding an is someone you can talk to, so maybe you should actually talk to your sister about this. Saly, your parents are not people who understand. But different people are different, so I don’t know whether you an your sister being gay would make them understand after a while, or if it would make them hate you after a while. I really don’t know what to do or say, maybe you coul explain your situation more in a private message so I coul help you better. I believe that God loves you no matter what, and I’m going to support you no matter what.

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