I tried for years to get better, but i'm done

I’ve been trying to get better, every single thing. From reading, to working hard, meditation, drawing, daily exercise, practicing kindness, medication, therapy sessions and the list goes on. I genuinely thought constantly helping my dad would take my mind off suicide. But the urges get stronger each and everyday, I have No purpose, No dreams, No reason to exist. I’ve tried taking my life 3 times and I thought I wasn’t going to do it anymore, but this time I’m done. I’m tired of being alive, I’m tired of being an outcast, mental abuse from my own family except my dad. I genuinely reached my limit. I’m retyping my suicide letter tonight. I’m back on with my suicide plan and making sure I don’t get caught this time.

@KTthecatlady please.
Please stay here. Don’t leave yet.
I want to help you. I believe in you.
We love you. Some of us are barely hanging on ourselves, and seeing your words and wanting to help you and knowing someone else out there is hurting too is the only reason we’re still alive.
The world would be less of strength and beauty without you in it.

Friend I’m so sorry that you’re feeling like that. This isn’t something that once it’s better it stays that way, you have to continue to work on it. Helping others may have felt like it worked for you but it sounds like you drained all your energy and left no love for yourself. Please keep talking to us here, in the discord or stream - anywhere.
I know what it’s like to deal with daily abuse from family it’s all I’ve known my whole life. YOU’RE NOT ALONE. Keep fighting… you’re worth it.

Hold fast