I try so hard.... I'm committing suicide

I’m done. It’s the end of the line. I can’t do this anymore. I try, I really fucking try. I try so hard to connect with friends, I try so hard to maintain a relationship that does more to tell me of my faults, I try so hard to keep great marks with my course at school but everyone wants it literally to be fucking 100% on an assignment when I get 9/10, i try so hard to handle the bullying (both online and in person), I try so hard to keep my distance from people who want to hurt me (ex’s, bullies, abusive father and toxic siblings) but they will NEVER STOP, I try so hard to keep close with my siblings but I am shut out, not included and judged, I try so hard to remain sane and keep my anxiety and depression under control but I have been cutting non-stop and slamming my head against a wall. I try so fucking hard to be the perfect friend, daughter, girlfriend, but it never matters. I try so fucking hard to ignore the pain and move forward, but it wants to take everything I have, and its succeeded. What is the fucking point in living anymore when my life is this bad, yeah there’s “hope to get better” but that hope is gone completely. I’m done. I’m going to find a way to commit suicide today or tomorrow. This is PurpleLilly signing off for good. Bye.

I love you keep holding on keep fighting you are my bestie I need you I love you so so much I’m sorry I haven’t been so much around recently I’m sorry I love you

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Hey - I’m sorry that I can’t be of much support right now as I’m in the very same position. I was looking to make a final wall post and then just leave. It’s all too hard.
But I want to say that you have been so strong - and I know it’s fucking tiring and impossible but you’ve done so so well. I’m not going to sit here and try to change your mind, but I want to tell you that you’re deeply loved in the community and that you would be missed… If you can’t keep fighting for yourself right now, keep fighting for us.

Hold Fast

I’m telling you that you need to stop hurting yourself. You can’t keep bringing yourself into this pit of darkness. We all have our demons and you need to know when you alone can’t keep your depression and anxiety under control. I am on meds for mine and there is nothing wrong with that. Your anxiety is making you feel things that have no base in reality and depression is telling you negative things that aren’t true. You are loved, your hard work is noticed, you are an amazing person. Don’t let your depression and anxiety destroy the beautiful person you are. Talk to a doctor, see a therapist, fight for the person you want to be. We all love you and care about you :heart::heart::heart::heart::heart:

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Lulu please stay I love you so so much. I know it’s so hard but I love you so so much. I’m so sorry I’ve been absent recently. I’m so sorry. I love you so so much please please stay.

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When life feels like it’s literally impossible to get any better, it’s easy to have the will to live totally drain out…when your best is never enough, when your hope is extinguished, when all you feel is pain, when your only comfort is causing yourself more pain…it feels like life – and all it will ever be – is pain. And when you can barely handle today, it feels like there’s no way to make it through tomorrow…let alone the rest of your life…it’s like – what’s the point? If it’s just going to be pain, forever, why not just experience pain quickly once and let it all be over with…

I know I might not hit your feelings totally on the head, but I have been in a very similar spot myself…to feel like my life is a constant disappointment to my parents, like I’ll never live up to their expectations, like I’ll never be enough to fit in with my peers, like I’ll never be sufficient for people I want to date…to just feel like I’m BELOW everyone else…and like I’ll never truly be worthy of love or belonging…felt like everything I did was a reminder of this suffocating truth about who I am and what I’m worth…I hated myself and I hated my life and I hated that everything I did reminded me of that…I felt like I was at the end of my rope and couldn’t see any point of my life…I used video games and porn as an escape, and that escape consumed my life and only made me hate myself worse…it felt like every time I turned my computer off all of the numbness and hollowness and self-hatred slammed me like a brick wall, and I couldn’t get past it. I was hiding from my life and my feelings and anytime I opened my eyes, I was surrounded. I couldn’t do it. I wanted to end it.

So, at least to some extent, I understand what it feels like to want to end your life. To feel like all life has to offer you is pain today and pain forever. But it’s not true, purplelilly. Life changed. I don’t have those thoughts or those feelings anymore. I actually love my life and am learning to love myself. I’m finding freedom and healing and connection with others. I have friends and a wife and kids and a home and feel purposeful in what I do. I say these things to you to say that life can get better. It got better for me when I was about to jump off the edge…a friend reached out and invited me to go to church with him…I found friends and hope and faith and started to have some light enter into my life and my heart, and love eventually changed me and healed me and set me on a different path in my life where I felt safe to come out of hiding…and I started seeing people and receiving the love that was always there but that I shut out just like I did with all of the other pain…the same is true for you…there’s so much love that surrounds you that when you come out of hiding you’ll find too…I know it feels like it’s impossible…like I can’t relate because I am not in the hole with you…like there’s something especially fucked about you or your life…but friend, the secret you might not know is we’re all fucked. Ha. You’re special, but not that special :wink: That doesn’t invalidate what you’re feeling, but it does say – you’re NOT alone. And there are people here, in this community, and yes, even in your life, that want to help carry you and love you and help you find healing and mending for your wounds.

Don’t be a solo tank. We were always meant to party up. You can join the HS guild and find a raiding team that will support you as you face the biggest bosses in your life. We can beat this dungeon together and TP out to a better place in life. There’s loot at the end of this fight, you’ll gear up, and you’ll get to wear it as a trophy to all the scars and pain you went through to beat these encounters. Let’s team up, Louise.



Friend, please do not hurt yourself, you are not alone, and not only do I love you but so does this community! It’s hard right now because you feel like you’re alone, but i promise you that you are not! We are here for you! Hold fast please friend!

With Much Love,

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I wish I was better at saying this sort of stuff, but please don’t! I joined this community because someone who cares about you wanted to let you know that you were loved, so there are people out there who really, truly do care about you. Please keep that close to heart.

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Please look back at the comments and see that there are so many people who love you whether they know you or not. We are all willing to get to know you to the level you are comfortable, and I can speak from experience that this is not the best/only option. It may seem like it but things can only go up if you are at rock bottom. Please Please Please give yourself one more day. And then another, and another, and then a lifetime because 80 years from now, after you’ve had a wonderful life, you won’t regret it. Just take it a day at a time. Girl I know you got this!! Sending all the love I have.

P.S. Feel free to message me if you need someone at all.

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This too will pass.

I believe in you. We have hundreds of people who believe in you.

There has only ever been one you. There will never be another you.

Weather the storm, and come watch the sun rise with us.

I can’t wait to see you on the other side. You are going to be ok.

  • John
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Hey friend,
I’m possibly not the most helpful person in the world but hear me out. My best friend was unfortunately in the same position and I miss her every single day. Its been 2 years since she lost her battle and she is sorely missed by us all. When it feels like it will never, ever get better and you would be better off in a hole in the ground, I can guarantee that your friends, family and loved ones do not think the same thing. I can guarantee that. They will grieve for you forever if you made this irreversible choice - trust me, I know from both sides. I know what it’s like to grieve like that - and I know what it’s like to feel as if you’re at the very end of the line. If it feels like nobody else cares, we do. We love you so very much and it would break our hearts if you decided to go. The impact of suicide of a close one is permanent - and it is truly horrifying. Please, please please speak to someone you love, someone who loves you because I promise you that someone cares. Someone will care. Please stay safe tonight. Hold fast :purple_heart:


Suicide should never be the answer. If the pain and suffering is weighing down on you, suicide just multiplies it and passes it on to your friends and family. Please don’t do this, if you keep pushing then it will get better.
Best wishes,

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Hello, I hope that you receive this message. I’m not going to tell you that it’ll all be okay or that time heals everything or anything else cliche like that, but I will tell you that death is not the answer. Your pain will not end when you leave. You’ll just be giving it to someone else. I know right now you may feel as though no one cares, but I assure you that someone does. I have no idea what your real name is and I care. It would break my heart if you choose to leave this world, because this world is desperately in need of people like you, who care so deeply, and feel so much, in it. I used to cut when I was in middle school. I have long battled with depression and anxiety. This past year in particular has been very difficult for me. At the beginning of the year I was unable to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I didn’t necessarily want to die, but I just didn’t want to feel anything anymore. I wanted to disappear. I wanted the pain to disappear. I really thought I no longer cared, but then one day I found myself in a potentially dangerous situation and I felt fear, for my life. That fear showed me that I do care and that I do want to live, that there is still life and fire burning inside of my soul and that I had to keep going. It took me so many days of waking up and forcing myself to get through the day before I actually went to bed looking forward to the day ahead. I still have days every now and then where I get very sad and I feel empty, but each time a wave crashes over me, I’ve found it takes me less and less time to resurface. Certain pains do not go away, but you get stronger. You get strong enough to carry them and if you turn your pain into fuel you can use it to help others carry theirs. The world is a beautiful place and I know life can be very hard at times and that makes it difficult to see the beauty around you, but it’s there. I assure you it’s there. That’s a tool I use when I’m feeling that way. I place the things that do make me happy in a pile and each day I do something that brings me joy. It can be something as simple as drinking tea from my favorite mug, or driving around listening to my favorite music, or watching a movie that always makes me smile. Day by day you add to your happy pile and each of those small things is a reason to keep going. One day you’ll be sitting somewhere and you’ll look around at all you have and be reminded that you almost gave it all away before you received it and you’ll thank yourself for not giving up. You can do this. I know it’s hard, but you can do it. Life is tough my love, but so are you. I love you. Please be here tomorrow and the all the days you’re given after that. :heart:️:heart:️:heart:️

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@Purplelilly - Please know how loved you are. You have a community that deeply cares for you and wants to see you get better. Let us know that you’re okay.

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Just want to let you guys know she is ok and being watched. Thanks for your replies.

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Hi friend,
please stay strong. You are seen known and loved. We know you have been working hard. You in all you are, are enough. You always be will be and always have been. I’m so sorry people haven’t treated you in the best way. You don’t deserve that. You’ve done good, you’ve done great.
I can see you’re trying. Your efforts haven’t gone unnoticed. Please stay, there is purpose for you here. There is something greater than the pain you have gone through. I know it may not feel like that right now, i know it may feel like the complete opposite probably, but there is something greater than this. I promise. You have greatness inside of you. There is a divine, grand purpose for your life that only you can fulfill. Please stay. We love you and are here for you my friend.

Matthew 11:28 “Come to Me, all you who labor and are burdened and i will give you rest.”