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I usually over work and tend to please others. So I would say my brokenness comes from being of service to others. Also when things get difficult, I tend to move fast to find a solution without talking to anyone important in my life about it, until it is done. My partner has had to remind me that I need to talk to him about the things that bother me. He could see the stress, but couldn’t figure out how to help. It’s those types of things that add to the brokenness, but can also be of benefit, for example I am quick at being able to see a problem and fix or find a solution at work. However, in my personal life my self isolation and quick (impulsive) solutions often surround only my safety and security.
Thanks for posting. & reaching out to Heart Support.
I totally understand where you’re coming from. It’s a physical & mental strain at the end of the day. I think it has a lot to do w/ struggles I never really want to experience again… & my way to cope is to just do everything. Have some sort of control. At the end of the day it’s like I am mentally gone from how strained or stressed out I am.
Things that have helped my husband & I stay on the same page… Is creating a reminders list on our phones.
It’s helped him understand the million things running through my mind. & helped him get ahead of me before I over-stress out. & he checked in on me a lot too. Even when I seem ok. Understand you can probably feel burnt out from it too… But I also realized you got to be kind to yourself too. You deserve some chill time. & a moment to just unwind. Or do something you want to do!
Focussing on something I wanted to accomplish…
Or picking up hobbies. A nap here & there helps me reset too. Please reach out to Heart Support if you ever need love, support, & encouragement.
Take care of yourself.<3
It’s so hard to feel this balance between being the one who fixes things and carries everything for others, while feeling how much it affects you daily. Just the toll it takes silently on your energy, your mental health, your well-being overall. It sounds like you’ve spent so much time and energy putting others first that tere’s only little room left for your own needs and emotions. It’s such a unique, silent type of pain. It makes sense to feel this sense of brokenness somehow, as the more you give others, the more it feels like disconnecting from yourself at the same time. It’s like there’s less and less space for yourself to just be and exist, day after day, and it’s heartbreaking.
I imagine how it must feel for you like the only option left is to solve things quietly, to protect yourself, to not add weight to someone else’s shoulders - to be somewhat forced to be self-reliant and deal with things on your own. But I definitely hear you on how much loneliness this position creates - and that it is so very conflicting. I’ve felt this in my life so many times, and man it’s so disheartening. At some point it feels like your instinct to shield yourself and keep moving on is working against you… leaving you stuck in this place where you can’t just count on yourself, but you can’t also reach out to others. It feels like there’s just no perfect path to follow anymore.
On the positive side, your partner seems to know you really well and is able to hear through the silences. His reminders are gentle invitations, manifestations of love too. And you my friend absolutely deserve to let others be there for you, to share your struggles instead of carrying it all alone. I know it’s hard though to do it. It’s freaking hard to unlearn what you’ve been used to do, and invites others into your own, vulnerable world. It’s scary, uncertain, fragile. Somehow, for me, what helps when I am facing this wall/need but walk around the bush, I try to remind myself of what I would wish if roles were inversed - and if my partner was to reach out to me during a difficult time, I would only feel humbled and honor to be by his side. When we let someone in, it’s also a special gift that we offer, a beautiful mark of trust. To let someone who loves you see the real you, beyond the solutions and the strong exterior. You don’t have to solve everything on your own. Sometimes, letting someone else in is the most courageous and healing step you can take.
