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Belongs to: Therapist Reacts to Falling Away From Me By KORN
I’ve been dissociating from my dad my whole life, obviously because he’s emotionally and physically abusive.I finally worked up the courage to tell him I want nothing to do with him only to have him ignore it and continue, any tips? I just ignore him because I don’t live with him anymore but I have young siblings there with him and I’m not sure how to help them or myself
That sounds like a really challenging situation. Telling your dad you want nothing to do with him must have taken a lot of courage, especially given his history of abuse. I’m sorry to hear that he ignored your wishes and continues as if nothing has changed.
It’s understandable to feel a mix of frustration and concern. You don’t live with him anymore, which is a big step toward your own well-being. But I can see how your younger siblings being there would weigh heavily on you. Wanting to help them while also protecting your own mental health is a tough balancing act.
When I had to distance myself from a difficult relationship, I found that the best thing for my peace of mind was sticking to my boundaries. It was painful at first, and sometimes the other person didn’t understand or respect it, but consistently keeping my distance helped over time. It might be the same for you.
For your siblings, it’s tough since they’re still living with him. Staying connected with them as much as possible and being a supportive presence might offer them some comfort. They might not be able to share everything that’s happening, but knowing you’re there for them can make a difference. If they’re old enough, helping them understand that they can come to you safely whenever they need to talk could be valuable.
If you can, reach out to other trusted adults who might be able to intervene or offer advice. Whether it’s a family member, friend, or professional, having someone in your corner to share this responsibility could help ease some of the burden you’re feeling.
In the end, remember to take care of yourself too. It’s hard to offer support when you’re running on empty. Seeking guidance from a therapist or counselor might help if you feel overwhelmed or unsure about how best to navigate this.
Stay strong, and take it one step at a time. You’re already doing something significant by protecting yourself while trying to help your siblings. That takes a lot of strength, and it’s not something that should be overlooked.
It’s so hard to be in this position. I’ve personally had to distance myself from my parents a couple of years ago, and between my mom and dad, my dad spent quite some time refusing my decision. His philosophy was close to “I don’t care”, and he would keep messaging me and attempting to contact me anyway. It was of course very frustrating and hurtful at the same time. Ultimately, I kept on ignoring him and setting practical boundaries - blocking him, removing any possibility of being contacted again by him directly. Ignoring sollicitations was the most difficult yet powerful tool at the time to help him understand that it would lead to nothing. Over time, when someone you contact doesn’t respond anymore, you start to slowly understand. I would say that time is key in this situation, and this is of course on your dad’s part to respect your decision, even if he might disagree with it.
On the other hand, I just wanted to really congratulate you for your decision, because I know how hard that one can be. It’s awfully confusing and conflicting to take that kind of step, but it might reveal itself as being very freeing for you over time. Hopefully, this will help have as much time and space as you need to heal and build the life you desire.
As for your siblings, just being in contact with them and being their sibling might already do a lot. You know, it’s not to be underestimated how someone’s presence and care makes a huge difference. You may not be able to directly change their situation, but you can be a safe, caring and healing presence through it all. Depending on the situation at home, it might be important to consider seeking external help if services need to intervene. If not, then being you and being an amazing sibling can already go a long way. It can make a big difference for your sibling to know that someone out there cares and is genuinely interested in knowing how they are doing on a regular basis.
Through it all, take good care of you. Remember that being your own priority is not selfish, especially as you are not setting boundaries and learning to make room for you, for your heart, for your peace.
