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I’ve been ghosted numerous times whether in dating or friendships. I can’t tell how many times where the person that I was talking to or dated fell off the face of the earth and I think to myself am I that boring? I’m at the point now where I see dating and/or being married is a joke now
Yes, it’s so hard to be put in this position of being left alone without any answer, without any communication, without having the possibility to understand what’s going on. There’s only a lot of question marks that remain and you are somehow forced to deal with it, on your own, with your own resources. While you would expect to explore and improve a relationship with the person when an obstacle arise, it is brutal to suddenly deal with this absence of partnership. Silence can become so very loud and reveal so many fears, doubts and what ifs, when you’ve been ghosted. Have I done something wrong? Did they not care enough for our relationship to work on it together? Did it make them feel like they couldn’t trust me? – On top of it, when these experiences are repeated throughout your life, you start wondering if the problem is you, and it can be the beginning of living according to false narratives. When we"re left without answers/understanding regarding this huge “why” question, our mind can start wandering and spiraling into some very unfriendly territories, and make us feel like we are unworthy as a result.
I’m sorry you’ve been experiencing this several times. It really makes a lot of sense to feel defeated or at least a good amount of distrust when it comes to dating. You have been disappointed and felt betrayed repeatedly - it makes sense to feel like relationships/marriage are not something worth to put effort and time in. When it seems to be so easy to waste it away, it makes you think twice of whether or not you want to give it a try again.
I hope with all my heart that, with time, you will find your own path and find some peace regarding those previous experiences. The wounds and hurt that it leaves can be felt very deeply, even a long time after. Although ultimately, when someone ghosts/disappears suddenly, it is their responsibility and their choice - nothing that would ever make you boring. If someone faces a problem with you, unless it’s really about their own safety, then they still have the possibility to choose to work alongside you on finding resolution together. When someone chooses not to communicate, they are still communicating, and what it may say is that they are not equipped with goodbyes or facing uncomfortable conversations, so they withdraw. Unfortunately, it’s often at the expense of the other person who has a need for closure that was not considered.
Despite everything that happened, you absolutely deserve to be in a relationship where you would be seen, heard, considered and respected. Where these major principles could be shared in a mutual way - through the good times, but also through the most challenging ones. Somehow, there is something beautiful about being in a relationship in which both partners are willing to work together and move towards the same goal. But trust takes time to be rebuild, and it makes sense that you would need to use all the time necessary to even reconsider relationships in general. You deserve healing and peace.