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Belongs to: Therapist Reacts to Falling Away From Me By KORN
I’ve been waiting for you to do this video. I was abused physically and mentally by my step father. I’ve coped with that very well, my real problem is that I love my mom, but I can’t forgive her for letting him do that to me. That makes me sad. I’ve moved past it and I have a gif relationship with my mom, but underneath, I carry the anger of her allowing it.
I’m really sorry to hear about what you went through with your stepfather. That kind of physical and emotional abuse leaves scars, and it’s understandable to feel conflicted about your mother. Loving her while also carrying the deep hurt and anger from what she allowed to happen can create a painful, internal struggle.
It makes sense that even with a good relationship on the surface, the unresolved feelings of betrayal linger. Your mother is someone you naturally want to trust and feel safe with, and knowing she didn’t protect you as you needed must have been devastating.
It’s significant that you acknowledge your feelings and that you’re allowing yourself to process them, even if it takes time. Holding onto anger while still trying to love someone is challenging. When I faced something similar, I found it helped to journal my thoughts or confide in a trusted friend to express what I felt without judgment.
You deserve space to feel both the love and the unresolved pain. Forgiveness doesn’t have to happen right away—or even at all. Healing isn’t linear, and it’s okay to acknowledge that you’re still working through these emotions. Give yourself the compassion and understanding you would offer to someone else in your position.
Your relationship with your mother can grow, and so can your journey to finding peace within yourself. It’s a process that will take time, but each step toward understanding and healing matters. Be gentle with yourself, and know that you’re not alone in how you feel.
It is understandable and profoundly human to have mixed feelings towards your mom. What you’ve endured when you were young was highly traumatic, and it is the kind of hurt that we keep on carrying with us throughout our life, even if we can learn to heal and find peace after it. In this situation, your mom was not directly abusing you, but she was part of the environment you were in, and as a child you could only expect from her to protect you from the violence that was taking place. Seeing her failing at doing this feels like being abandoned, and sometimes this wound hurts even more than the abuse itself.
I grew with a mom who was physically and emotionally abusive, and to me it’s only much later in life that I’ve realized how much to compensate I’ve idealized my dad somehow and our relationship. But the truth is I’ve been holding a lot of anger towards him, like you feel with your mom. There is love, but there is also a profound wound that doesn’t say its name. It hurts to know that someone who was supposed to protect you didn’t - regardless of the reasons behind. It reactivates the wounded child in you that needed their mom to recognize their pain and protect them at the time.
These emotions, the complexity and subtelties of it, intertwined with both love and anger, are absolutely valid and make sense in light of what you’ve been through. You are still mourning the losses you’ve known and how life could have been. You are still feeling and learning to compose with the disappointment and sense of betrayal you’ve known. Rest assured that, in no way feeling this would ever make you a bad child to your mom, or a bad person overall. Love is a complex emotion that can coexist with many others, and it’s already very strong of you to be aware of what’s going on in your heart. It’s not easy to become aware of it, less even to admit it and to talk about it.
I hope you will reach a sense of peace and healing within, at your very own pace. Could it be with external support or through open conversations with your mom too. You deserve healing and peace of mind.
