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Belongs to: BMTH - Can You Feel My Heart - Therapist Reacts
I wanna die, I don’t want to be mentally ill anymore, I can’t take this shit anymore. I just want one day I could get through without overthinking, without feeling empty and drained. A day without this permanent darkness surrounding my life. A day without this feeling of death, or without the heavy and dark fear of abandonment thinking everyone is gonna leave me when I notice one thing that seems off, then boom I’m spiraling myself into overthinking myself to death. I just want a day without wanting kill my self. Is it bad that I know exactly which way I’m gonna kill my self and I can picture it clearly in my head and it makes me happy? Am I that fucking sick that the thought of killing myself is what brings peace to my mind? I just want one day that I can get through without the pain and just be normal just for one day, I need a break I haven’t had one since I first started feeling like this, it’s been my whole fucking life. I just can’t take it anymore. My mind hates me so much that’s it’s trying to kill me.
Just know I think you are a nice part of this world and we are really glad that you are here. I’m glad you decided to share with us at HeartSupport. I don’t think bad of you for the feelings you are experiencing. I do hope that you could see yourself through my perspective. You are valuable and indespensable. Lots of love.
Hi Friend, Thank you for being brave enough to share how you are feeling, it is not easy. I hear and feel your pain and desparation, the need you have just for a few hours of peace from bad thoughts that just keep building so that you feel like you cannot go on. It is heartbreaking to see the sadness in you, you do not deserve this however the feelings you are having are valid and do not make you a bad or abnormal person. far from it. They are real feelings, they are unpleasant but real, that isnt sickness its many feelings rolled into one, the biggest being fear. I want you to know that you/your life is so very precious, you deserve a content life, a happy life, that is my wish for you.
Can I ask who your support system is? if you do not have one please reach out to your doctor to help find one, you can get help, there are people and places that can assist you. You are so welcome here but we are not qualified professionals and if you are not seeing one I think it would be very helpful to you to do that. I have also found a website for you to look at.
Please find some help and reach out if you get desperate, there is help and you deserve that help. You are loved friend, we love you. Lisa. x
Oh friend. I wish we could just all give you a giant hug right now. The way you describe this heaviness on your shoulders that you have to carry all the time feels so very relatable to me personally. It is absolutely awful to feel as if you are trap within yourself, and that you are your own worst enemy. That your mind and your body keep betraying you by instilling all of these doubts, fears and insecurities. It feels as if it takes SO MUCH of yourself to actually take a step forward, and so little to make everything collapse all over again, if not worse than the previous time.
When it feels like you are fighting against the wind with no adequate weapon in hands, it makes sense to see your mind trying to foresee an exit door somehow. For many of us, suicidal thoughts act as a coping mechanism, something that brings relief when we feel helpless. And having those thoughts don’t make you crazy - relaly, it just makes you human and is at the measure of your pain. It is an expression of your heart and of what you desire at the moment - peace, relief, change. I definitely had those thoughts, which were overwhelming and intense during my darkest times, but have tend to also accompany me when things where seemingly better. Struggling with these thoughts does not make you crazy - not even one bit. And it’s okay to talk about it without any shame or guilt. It’s actually by talking about it that we can ensure that they don’t weight too much in our mind, that we can bring different perspective in - ones that would bring HOPE and more confidence in the fact that things can change and can get better.
I hear your exhaustion my friend, and I can’t tell you when things are going to get better, but I can assure you that you have what it takes to create that change, to seek support, to share your voice, to say “I’m not okay”, and to welcome help in your life. You have more resources within than you may see right now, but I see you, and to be here today sharing all of this speaks a lot about your strength already. You’ve been through so many days feeling down and beaten. Please don’t let the fears consume you or have the last word. Your life matters, and you are so important, even if it’s hard to see our own value when we’re in the eye of the storm. I’m so, so proud of you for being here today, for not giving up, for bravely sharing your vulnerability, and for trying. You have a community with you here. And if you ever need to talk more about how life is going for you, feel free to keep sharing here or to create a topic on our anonymous forum (at forum.heartsupport.com). You don’t have to be alone while battling. There are allies here willing to stand with you. Hold Fast.
